urdadsb0ng

103d

i need to know i’m not crazy. pls help

so on the 17th of september , my oldest sister passed away. it obviously crushed me and my family, but i tried to stay strong. both of my sisters live in fort myers so directly after she passed, the hurricane came. my sisters memorial in jersey was supposed to be on the weekend of oct. 7th but it got pushed back to this past weekend, the 15th, because of the hurricane. that happened to be my 3 “best friends” homecoming date. none of them came to the memorial and all went to homecoming and when i told my one friend that i wanted nothing to do with them, it was “we had these plans for weeks and they were paid for.” she still apologized but then would continue to argue so i think she just did it because it was what i wanted to hear. they could’ve gotten a refund though and tried to be there for me, right? she told me i was being “hard-headed.” i don’t know, maybe i was. i just want to know if i’m the only one who thinks they’re in the wrong or if it’s more on my part. please help.

Bipolar Disorder

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Chronic Generalized pain

Acute muscle weakness

Depression

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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  • Ezra02

    103d

    I personally think it’s touchy but I’d agree with your friends more-so. Yes, they should support you but a lot of people have hard times with funerals and things of that nature. I can’t stand going to them because of how depressing they are, even if it’s someone I loved. Your friends can have those boundaries and they’re allowed to their own activities. This is something they had planned and were probably excited for. Obviously it’s hard to know the whole story from my perspective but I think if this is the only instance, maybe it should be looked past for now. They don’t owe you a sacrifice of their own happiness and well-being’s. They can be good friends but still have boundaries. I have friends who I’ve refused to spend time with due to my mental health not able to handle it and they’ve always respected it.

    • urdadsb0ng

      103d

      it’s not that they’re not comfortable, they were all going to come until they saw it was hoco weekend

  • urdadsb0ng

    103d

    please do not comment on this post if you do not understand what it feels like to lose a loved one because it is an unimaginable pain and you can never image how it makes you feel

    • PiperGrimm

      103d

      if they still do not at least come to compromise or hear your feelings and you do not hear them, maybe you guys may not be compatible as friends as of right now.

  • PiperGrimm

    103d

    I know all to well how losing people, pets, relationships, etc can be soul crushing and leave you so empty and hopeless. I know. But you can't make others chose you sadly. They hade plans and yes, it is upsetting but that is their choice there was nothing you could do. You invited them and they chose not to because they had plans and probably got everything all nice for the- what was it? Homecoming? Anyways, yes we would have liked them to be there but they are not required but you should do what you feel is best for you and how you morally feel. If you say if you don't pick me, snip snip. That is all on you but I suggest having a heart to heart with possibly a mediator who doesn't pick sides.

    • urdadsb0ng

      102d

      thank you, and i tried to talk to them about how it hurt me that they were going to come and then chose not to when it landed on that same day, but i was just told i was wrong and that i “always had to be right” do it just blew up and turned into a big thing

      • PiperGrimm

        102d

        I'm so sorry :( that is hard. Maybe they just are not good friends and are not really supportive.

  • salt

    103d

    I lost my cousin on the 13th of September who was not like an older brother but a parent to me. He was there for me when my parents abused me, he was the only one who understood and cared. You’re not alone. I feel your pain and although it is so so hard, we’re living on because that’s what they would want from us. ❤️

    • urdadsb0ng

      102d

      i am so sorry for your loss 💕 💕 thank you for the great advice

  • AriJuda

    102d

    there's 4 homecomings and only one of your sister. and that's that.

  • wise

    101d

    ultimately, your friends were being teenagers about an adult problem. that's to be expected. it's very likely they actually couldn't get refunds on anything, most reservations are partially or completely nonrefundable. in the event you cancel or don't show up, they still made money, and that's how you run a business. your sister's death was probably already past the date where they could've gotten a refund, if they could get one at all. it was just unfortunate timing. this may be hard to hear, but they're also not obligated to attend your sister's memorial service. she wasn't their sister. they probably didn't even really know her. I know your sister was your entire world, but she wasn't the world to everyone. there are other ways they could've supported you outside of attending a funeral, but you've burned those bridges now and you have to face the consequences of that. no one did anything wrong, you're just still kids and reacted in a way that reflects that

    • urdadsb0ng

      100d

      it was a school dance that they got papers for after they heard about it

    • urdadsb0ng

      100d

      and they may not be obligated to but the way i grew up, when i lost my dad at 8 years old every single person that knew my dad in the slightest was there. whether it was through my mom or sister or me or even just meeting him once at a job sight. it’s called respect. they disrespected me and they disrespected my sister and i feel as if you are telling me that i am wrong for feeing how i’m feeling because i’m “just a kid” trying to deal with an adult problem. this is the 3rd time in my life i have lost someone this close to me and it is the only time in my life that my “best friends” weren’t there.

      • wise

        100d

        I never said that. you're not wrong for how you're feeling, but neither are they. it might be time to step back from social media for a bit and see a grief counselor. you're lashing out at everyone you disagree with, which is expected from someone who's suffered such an immense loss, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable behavior. you're not "just a kid" in the sense that you don't know anything and you're wrong for how you feel, but you ARE still very young and right now you're right in the middle of developing your emotional control, including emotional responses, and so are your friends. the teenage years are rough on EVERYONE, no matter what you've been through. everything you feel in the decade of adolescence is magnified by 100, and that goes for your friends too. you're all having an age-appropriate response to this tragedy, which is a different response from what would've been expected of someone your age when you were 8. this will make sense in about ten years, when you begrudgingly admit to yourself most of the adults in your life were right (not that you'd tell them that. you have to preserve teenage you's pride somehow 😂). you have suffered enormously. no one is denying that. but it's also not fair of you to try to dictate how others should be feeling about your personaly tragedy. talk to someone who specializes in this kind of stuff and take a break from social media, you'll be better off for it in the long run

    • funnygirl

      99d

      they still didn't have to react to her that way. I guess they didn't have any home training. Actually...to think of it I really didn't have any myself but I have empathy and human kindness.

      • wise

        99d

        that's an extremely rude and judgemental thing to say. I get that you're on her side, but there's absolutely no need to be so condescending. we're only getting one very biased perspective from a bipolar teenager, it's unfair to attack everyone who doesn't agree with you or her. take a moment to go back to that "home training" you have and find that empathy you claim to have

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