Going No Contact with Family: My Journey of Grief and Letting Go

My dad and stepmom don't care about me anymore but continue to use me for my brother

I keep my family at a distance because I know they’re not good for my mental health and it took me over 30 years to work that one out. My problem is I can’t cut them off completely because of the guilt I would feel. Even though I know they are toxic, I also know that they are mentally unwell and will never change and a big part of me feels sorry for them as I know that it’s their own trauma which caused them to be the way they are but on the flip side my therapist often tells me that I’ve also been through my own trauma and don’t behave like them so to stop making excuses.m for them. I just can’t help it though because my empathy runs so deep it is often to my detriment and I tell myself that even though I’ve been able to heal, what if they are neurologically wired the way they are and therefore can’t change their behaviour? I just don’t want to carry the guilt I will feel when they eventually pass away, I just couldn’t bear it so I keep them in my life but at a distance where it doesn’t affect me too much.

Thank you to all the comments ❤️ I’m reading it is comforting to see people having similar experiences. I’ll respond after work… but this gave me the ability to take the next steps (literally).

🤗 2 years ago this march I had to tell myself that I was going to have no more contact with my mother . She is very toxic and is what is best for my mental health. She was very mentally abusive and just not there as a child and still mentally abusive up til well I was 47 at that time. Since then I have had several surgeries and a breast cancer scare and I wanted my momma. But I had to figure out that what I really wanted was a momma that was in my head one that was comforting and safe and would make me feel better ❤️‍🩹 becuase my mom never hugged me as a child. She only started when o got cancer at the age of 39. And it was becuase I made her. It’s hard and it’s hard to grieve someone you know is still alive and there are times I want to go back to my old self and call her and apologize for the thing that got her mad that was not my fault just so we could talk again… but I swore I would not do that again… I owe that to therapy… the pain does lessen a little over time . The guilt a little bit you got to do what is best for you… big hugs 🤗

I only talk to my dad (occasionally), my mom (occasionally) and my sister and that’s basically it. So I moved up north with my fiancé, my family basically stopped talking to me

Once I get my license I’m going to go no contact from my mom. Your feelings are valid

I'm not able to right now, but when I am able, I'm going no contact with my entire family. It's just not good for my mental health. Sending strength your way ❤️