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MarinaV

881d

two hours ago, my mom came by and thought I was dead because I hadn’t sent them a message in months. here’s some history. we don’t get along. I cut her out of my life in May. she had gone months when I was in college and never called me. I’m in therapy and trying to deal with all of my trauma, plus my mood disorders (which said we always knew you had something with your moods. what the fuck.), my chronic illnesses, my overall pain, and bipolar. she said that her and my father had been worried and miss me. ummm that’s cool but I have boundaries. you can’t show up whenever. I work from home and was actually working when this happened. also told me how she hasn’t always been a good mom and kept hugging me. I hate being touched. I just hated this whole experience. I don’t have friends who I can talk to about this so I just want some support. I feel like I have to process all of this shit again which took me months before.

Top reply
    • MarinaV

      880d

      Marrow: I see her next Tuesday so I can wait. it’s just a couple of days. I’m thinking about moving next year when my lease is up. my rent has gone up and I’m tired of new management. the only thing I’m worried about is my cat because he gets anxious. I won’t be telling anyone my new address.

    • MarinaV

      880d

      Marrow: I see her next Tuesday so I can wait. it’s just a couple of days. I’m thinking about moving next year when my lease is up. my rent has gone up and I’m tired of new management. the only thing I’m worried about is my cat because he gets anxious. I won’t be telling anyone my new address.

    • MarinaV

      880d

      Poisonedlogic: they pulled the safety thing. “I thought you were dead.” you spent literal years not contacting me for months when I was in school but a whole month where I’ve specifically told y’all three times I’m not coming to thanksgiving, you think I’m dead? I don’t care if they’re worried. I have boundaries and have a safe space for me.

    • Poisonedlogic

      880d

      I empathize. I've cut contact with my parents due to abuse in my past & it's so frustrating. Mine always try to pursue contact staying they're "worried about my safety" as an excuse (when I know dang well they aren't at all). You so are not alone. I see and hear you. 💕 Setting boundaries with people that don't understand that is hard AF.

    • Marrow

      880d

      It sounds like therapy is gonna be extra helpful~ I wonder if it’s worth reaching out to see if you can meet sooner? I’ve definitely done that before for more chill situations. I also like the idea of moving for you- are you particularly attached to your apartment? It changed so much for me when I moved and knew there was no way my ex would guess where I live now

    • MarinaV

      880d

      mommawheels: I worked yesterday but I went into bed and listened to some music. I feel like I processed most of it but can’t wait to speak to my therapist about this. there’s so much I want to say about it. I feel like I had a setback if that makes any sense at all. I don’t like anyone showing up unannounced. I wish I would’ve have not answered the door unless I heard maintenance. this is why nobody has any of my keys.

    • MarinaV

      880d

      QueenofChrons: I’ve been in therapy since around July? I can’t exactly remember but we’ve been talking a lot about trauma. thank you for your support 👏🏼 I cut my dad off last month but it freaks me out how they think they can show up whenever, especially when they know I work from home. I made it known that I want space. if I’m not talking to you, it’s for a reason. I’m adopted and she thought I was looking for my other family. maybe I don’t want anything to do with either. they’re both toxic 😂 I don’t care if I have to cut toxic people out but I have boundaries. you can’t break them just because you’re older than me. I haven’t seen either of them since May. I get they miss me but no means no. I had to tell my dad three times I wasn’t coming to thanksgiving and he kept trying to press me on it.

    • MarinaV

      880d

      Marrow: I hattttttte being hugged. I’m not the touchy feely person who wants hugged. she didn’t leave at first. I kept telling her that I was working and she said “I don’t care. give me a hug.” she broke so many boundaries that I had been setting since May. she lives half an hour from me but I’ve been thinking about moving next year. I don’t like when anyone shows up. I once had a girl walk into my place because she thought it was someone else’s. I have a cat and get freaked out if I think something has happened to him. she kept trying to talk to me and that’s been in my head for a day now

    • MarinaV

      880d

      Messymexi: it honestly scared me when she showed up. I get y’all were concerned that I was dead but you can’t show up out of nowhere and come in. I tried to close the door but she wanted to take me out to lunch. she makes me feel uncomfortable and I’m so glad I have therapy next Tuesday. I messaged my dad told him that I need space and to not come unannounced. I’m still getting freaked out that they’ll do it again. I’m glad I took my spare key back two years ago. thank you for your kind words. there is so much toxic stuff she’s done and she doesn’t acknowledge it. I have boundaries and they need to be respected. that sounds terrifying that he did that. I still get invited to family stuff and had to miss out on stuff because I didn’t want to be around certain family members. one of their dogs died and I didn’t say goodbye because I didn’t want to be around my mom.

    • QueenOfCrohns

      881d

      Hi! I’m Meg, nice to meet you! I understand this completely. So proud of you for cutting them out of your life the best you can! That’s so important for your mental and physical well-being, so be proud that you’ve made those steps! They sound a whole lot like my family and the sad reality is that they will probably never stop invalidating you and crossing those boundaries. I recommend speaking with a therapist about how you can make those boundaries even stronger. And if your mom continues to do this then they have to be completely, 100% cut out, no contact. Boundaries are important and our families ESPECIALLY have to learn to respect them. One way or another. Again, so proud of you! Thanks for sharing. You’ve got out unconditional support here!

    • Marrow

      881d

      This is super hard. I’m sorry she came completely out of the blue. did she leave when you told her you were in the middle of the work day? How far did she drive??? I esp wish she didn’t do so much hugging unprompted 💔❤️‍🩹

    • mommawheels

      881d

      😥 I'm so sorry. Go get your favorite drink, blanket, and turn on the TV watch something goofy and silly. Let your mind and body relax. Sending good thought your way.

    • Messymexi

      881d

      I went through this when I cut off my family. But then my grandma passed away and me showing up to the funeral somehow gave my father the idea that I wanted to reconnect with them. My parents are fully aware that I have blocked their numbers and they can contact my husband if they need to. One day, while I'm home working and recovering from feeding tube surgery, my dad shows up at my house. I was scared shitless because I was home alone but I managed to slam the door on him and contact my husband. Since then they haven't reached out and I was actually so scared that I begged my husband for us to move to another city and we did. Even though they don't have my new address, I'm still terrified that my dad will show up again one day. So I definitely know what you're going through. You're making the right choice and you're so strong!

    • MarinaV

      881d

      Ez: thank you so much. I feel very off. I’m trying to be on this path to better myself, take care of myself, and be financially stable. I feel like this just got in the way of that. I politely messaged my father and told him that I need space. I’m not explaining my pain to people anymore or want to be surrounded by toxic people. it’s hard to cut off family who still don’t understand what they’ve done. thanks for your good vibes 😅

    • Ez

      881d

      That sounds really difficult, I'm sorry that happened. I hope you are able to make space for yourself to recover from this. Sending good vibes

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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