Feeling Trapped in a Relationship

My biggest fear is being alone so I am always in long term relationships with men. The man I am currently dating isn’t an abuser or cheater like the others in the past…but his intelligence is so childlike it makes me feel like his mother. Like i told him to give me space at 5am and he walked 6 miles to his mothers house??? I own a car why didn’t he say that he was leaving and ask for it??? But also at the same time every conversation is a mind game of constantly watching for each other’s 4D chess and body language, like he is so busy picking up my subconscious signals and trying to assume and read into what i say and and do and how i breathe…it’s like he WANTS me in charge of him but i literally just want an equal partner but am too afraid of being alone to break up. break ups make me suicidal and he’s not mean so i guess i’ll stay it just feels like i’m kicking myself in the head every day.