Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse: My Story

Disclaimer This All Happened Years Ago And I Have Gotten Therapist Help And Am Doin Better So Don Worry TW: Child Sexual Abuse, Self Harm, Gaslighting, Narcissism, Teen Pregnancy, Miscarriage, And UnAliving So This Is A Bit Of A Sensitive Vent About My Trama If You Are Easily Triggered You Probably Shouldn’t Read This ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ Well...Basically Startin From When I Was 4 To Bout The Age Of 16...I Was Sexually Assaulted By My Dad Pretty Much All The Time...From 4 To 10 I Think It Didn Go Very Far...He Told Me To Keep It All Secret When People Were Around Enough To Notice Somethin Was Off They Would Ask And He Would Tell Me To Deny Everythin And So I Would Either Deny It Or Get Distracted And Ignore The Question...Upon Talkin’ Bout It I Believe That’s Why I Was So Closed Off And Wouldn’ Say Much If Anythin At Family Gatherin’s...But After Puberty Started That’s When He Started Pressurin For Things To Go Further I Said No And I Didn Want It But He Was Persistent And For A Few Years Sayin’ No Worked... Till Grandma And Grandpa Passed Away...Then It Didn Work...He Began Pressurin More And More Then One Day When I Was Almost 15 He Raped Me Jus After My First Period But When My Second One Never Came I Almost Pushed It Off Till I Started Gettin Sick A lot So Without Sayin Anythin To Anyone I Walked To My Nearby Planned Parenthood To Get A Pregnancy Test Done And It Was Positive They Said I Was 8 Weeks Along Based On My Last Period But The Fetus Didn’t Have A Heartbeat And Was Only Mesuring About 4 Weeks So I Had A Miscarriage And Would Have To Get A D&C Done No One Ever Found Out Until This Post And He Raped Me A Few More Times Usually When I Was Asleep Till I Turned 16... After That He Stopped But He Was Still Very Controlling None Of This Really Even Caused Any Sort Of Visible Impact On Me Until I Was 18 When I First Attempted Suicide It Was 7:42am I Swiped My Aunts Pain Pills And Took The Whole Bottle As Well As Slittin My Wrists And Said Goodbye To My Cousin And My Brother Tellin Them I Love Them And I Woke Up The Next Morning At 8:46am Completely Alone And Had The Worst Withdrawal Ever But I Still Went To My College Class Like Nothin Happened…. fast Forward A Year And 13 Other Suicide Attempts As Well As A Psych Ward Visit And An 2 Emergency Room Visits My Best Friend Threw Me Out In The Rain Right Back Into My Abusers Grasp And My Narcissistic Mother And Gaslighting Sister Attacking Me And Blaming Me For Everythin And Here I Am Severe PTSD OCD Panic Disorder Depression Agoraphobia And All!!!! Thanks For Lettin Me Vent