Dealing with Guilt in Relationships with Chronic Illness

I feel the same way too sometimes. Thank you for asking this question and I am grateful for everyone's advice here. One more to thing to add is I try to remember that *I* am not the problem/burden, the disease is, and it affects both of us because we are a team together. Maybe thinking of it as you and your partner vs the illness instead you and the illness vs your partner. Hopefully that makes sense 😅

I struggle with the exact same feelings and guilt. My partner works so hard and does so much for us and I’m unable to work and do the bare minimum with house cleaning and chores lately. Worst of all is the guilt that I can’t give him a child. He says it’s okay and that he didn’t really want kids anyway but I see the way he is with his nephews and it just hurts. Some days I genuinely feel like he’d be happier with someone else. But then I think about our relationship try to realize that by feeling that way I am denying all that we’ve had and have. Like I’m questioning our very love and reliance on each other. I don’t know if it’s a smart way to think but it’s all I can really do to pull myself out of that pit. We’ve been together 12 years and I’m so grateful for every day of it, even the bad days. If he suddenly was unable to work and it all fell on me I wouldn’t hold it against him or feel he was a burden and I wouldn’t want him to feel that way either. I don’t know if any of these words will help you but I hope they do in some way even if it’s just knowing that you are not alone. ❤️

I just periodically cry about it for a good long while and then he reminds me of all the things I do for him and ways I take care of him. he's said multiple times that without me, he wouldn't remember to eat or shower or do laundry, and yet. I feel like a useless burden for not contributing financially. but that's just internalized ableism that doesn't read its ugly head as often as it used to

I am in the exact same situation, with a loving partner who really doesn’t deserve being cancelled on. But at the same time, remember that you don’t “deserve” your illness and needing to cancel either! It’s just the cards you’ve been dealt. And by extension, the cards he has been dealt. He chooses to be with you, which includes your illness. Whenever I bring up similar insecurities to my partner, he always reminds me that he’s too far in, if he had a problem he wouldn’t have dated me in the first place! I would bet the same is true for your situation