Is My Health a Burden to My Relationships?

100% especially since my ex husband used it against me when he left me as an excuse to leave saying it wasn’t his “responsibility to take care of me.” I was definitely made to feel like no one would want to be with me because of it.

yup, especially my mental health. i can't keep a friendship to save my life because i go through periods of depression where i just wanna be alone and not talk to anyone. in terms of physical illness, i often feel unable to move much because of my fibromyalgia so i can't go out anywhere sometimes, and tourette's keeps me from driving so i can't visit anyone outside walking distance easily. i have one friend and i live with him lol.

My spouse is also kind of my caretaker because I have chronic pain. It’s kind of hard on her…

I relate to this so much. I am still struggling with this myself, but my boyfriend and friends have helped significantly. I wish I could offer better advice, but all I can say is you have to find people who are accepting of your condition and unlearn internalized ableism that is forced on you. Your worth is not reliant on how “productive” you are, or how “strong” you can be. You did not choose to be disabled. You did not choose that the medical system is so expensive and money hungry. You are just trying to live in your body the way it is like anyone else, and the world needs to change to be more accommodating of that, not you.

Absolutely. I often feel guilty for feeling sick. People have told me many times that I'm not a burden, but I still feel like it sometimes. I'm so thankful that I have an understanding roommate who helps me and a wonderful partner who takes care of me when I feel bad.

YES. And I don’t know how to separate my illness from myself because I feel we are so entwined. I go on dates and I feel like I’m lying if I don’t bring it up, but if I bring it up to early I worry it will scare them away. I can’t quite find a balance, or the right person for that matter.

I definitely feel like a burden quite often, but I’m working very hard to unlearn the ableist ideas I have. I like taking my time to meet the needs of those around me, so I know that I deserve that respect as well. But it’s still hard to meet new people, or even to bring up the same health problems to people I’m closer to. I feel like that’s all I talk about sometimes, but that’s okay. We are so much more than our illness or down periods; we are also our creativity and passion for what’s important to us. All of that deserves space and validation so we can move towards acceptance of where we are and what we carry.

It was hard to get comfortable with my epilepsy and my husband. When we first met my seizures were really controlled and when they started to come back I thought he was going to leave me. I know it's a huge burden to him but he's always been there.

Yes. I feel bad for my wife who has to live with someone who is pretty incapacitated. Taking her out is generally a bad experience for me that I endure. She obviously knows it’s a big effort and it makes nothing simple or easy. The reality is that I don’t want to do much of anything because of pain and IBS and that has to take a toll on her which I feel bad about

It is difficult to develop friendships when you have to cancel so many times due to pain. I don’t want to seem flaky. Other people have no idea what we go through, or how difficult it is to just make it out of the house some days.

Yep, I totally feel that, even with a boyfriend who also has medical problems and is also disabled like me.

I feel just like u

Yes 100%. I feel so high maintenance or like I’m too much to handle but the people around me are still there. My bf, my mom, and my sister are the best people I have. I was super sick all of November and December and I felt like I was ruining the holiday season bc everyone wanted to go out and sled or go ice skating or whatever and I couldn’t because I was just too sick. But they were all there for me and included me in everything. The best people in life are the ones who will always be there for you, especially when you need them the most. Keep those people by your side. :)

Yes! And honestly it makes me feel like I’d be better off dead ngl. You’re not alone 💜💜

I felt this for the longest time, and tried to keep things "casual" with my partner. But I had a bad episode and needed to go to the ER, and he carried me to his truck and held my hand through it all. When I got home, he stayed with me. He cleaned my vomit. He bathed me. He held me upright on the toilet while I shit because I was wobbling all over from the vertigo - none of which I ever asked of him. It was just natural. With a good partner, love will always hold you, YOU, for exactly what you are. Now he and I have been together almost 6 years and he has always been unflinchingly there. The best thing I've ever done was let him prove me wrong, and believe in him since then. Give yourself the chance!

Yes I have a boyfriend rn and sometimes I push him away because Ik he has problems of his own and I don’t wanna add on to any of that

Yes! Just know you are so much more than your illness. I feel like that often and struggle with the thought I am too much or would hold someone back. The people around you love you for you and are there cause they care. Everyone needs help!

Yup!!!