Struggling with Anorexia Recovery and Stomach Issues

Hello, I’ve been in recovery for 3 years from anorexia and have been doing pretty well until recently. I’ve started having a bunch of stomach issues and cannot keep much food down and I’m losing a lot of weight. Which has trigger the old part of me wanting to loss more since I still believe I’m fat never mind I’m not. Anyways I’m getting addicted to the weight loss. My pcp wants me to drink ensure, go back to therapy with a ED specialist, and go back to GI. But GI was to surgically implant a feeding tube which I’m very against. I didn’t survive over 10 years with anorexia to get one now. I’ve also have had a run of several bad therapist who said I’m too much and refused to help me which is why I’m struggling with finding one. I guess I’m just looking for support I’m afraid that I’m going to slip and lose all the hard work I have put into recovery and getting control of my life back. I don’t want to go back into that darkness.