lavvend3r

270d

does anyone have advice on how to keep urself occupied/more unbothered when ur super anxious ab something unexpected? my bf told me he needs some space for a few days and not to reach him bc he’s feeling emotionally overwhelmed. i was fine the first two days bc i was kinda mad at him, but now it’s been 3 days and i’m getting more anxious bc i don’t know when or what he will say when he contacts me again. i’ve been like watching his every move via social media bc it kills that he seems almost unbothered?? it could be an act but i can’t help feeling a little sad he’s not miserable without me ☹️ i know that’s kinda toxic but that’s just why i’m anxious like id think he wouldn’t seem to be perfectly fine rn. its not even that i miss him it’s mostly being super anxious ab the future. it’s all i can think ab pls help :( i just been moping around all day not doing anything, esp cause i have trouble w motivation normally it’s so much harder now

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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  • Gracefrogs

    270d

    Something that helps me at times is cleaning! I suggest playing music while cleaning it helps get your mind off worrying

  • Gen.Organa

    270d

    Actively engaging in music can help, making playlists, maybe one to specifically your anxiety, seek out songs you find soothing and make something out of them.

  • Crystal_Rose

    270d

    Honestly, it might be q good idea to send him one message, only one, and tell him your worry and your feeling. Don't ask or expect a message back, but its still getting to him how you are feeling and it may influence what's going on. Still try to be understanding over his feelings though, as they are still very much valid. As someone with BPD overwhelming emotions is a full time job. Good communication is always a proper key to relationships. I do think that he was in the wrong for him to ask for absolutely no communication, especially if he knows you have a history of major anxiety, but that still means he needs to do whats good for him. Its nothing against you but sometimes it's really nice to get away by yourself. Enjoying that time is a good thing. It doesn't mean he loves you any less. Having anxiety I can understand where you see this as super sus but thats where trust falls in. If he has given no signs of doing anything sus since you've been with him you should definitely give him a bit more trust. Keeping an eye on what he is doing through social media isn't showing much trust (i do understand why you do it though). If you send that one message it may be good to ask him for a phone call after maybe day 5? Just to touch base with each other and you can see how he is emotionally and if he is still overwhelmed and portray your worried better than in a text. I recently asked my boyfriend if maybe we can take a bit of separation for q week. Anything over a week I think is a bit much. Something you can do in the mean time is maybe clean your home, when he gets back he might appreciate that. Maybe do a project or make him something for when he gets back. I know he said no communication but you could always send him one compliment a day so he knows your thinking of him and supporting him.

    • lavvend3r

      270d

      this is really good advice and i appreciate it so much, but due to our past i don’t think it would do much good in my situation:( in the past when he’d take space without letting me know i’d like call him sm and text him and he’d get so mad. i know i was not in the right, and he wasn’t either. i just really don’t want to disrespect his wishes and make anything worse. also, he does not have my trust and that’s part of why he wanted space. he cheated on me a few months ago and he said i was emotionally exhausting and overwhelming him by me letting him know what would help me heal. if my relationship was more healthy i would definitely take ur advice but unfortunately it’s not :( i do appreciate it everything you said it did help me feel a little better about taking space. it’s just rly hard to enjoy it for myself when there’s all this suspense and i have no idea when he’s going to contact me again yk? it’s also difficult for me to have compassion for him in this situation idk. my hurt & anxiety is so overwhelming it’s hard to feel anything else. sorry to rant kinda haha but thank u so much for ur supportive words ❤️

      • NazalSpray

        269d

        I've had a similar experience, my ex girlfriend would randomly just disappear, not answer calls or texts for days, I would later find out that she's been spending time for herself (clubbing mostly), and everytime she did contact me back, it was always my fault etc. I was extremely anxious all the time during that relationship, because I just didn't know what would happen next, and it made it really hard to do day-to-day activities. Physical exercise helped me somewhat, as when I'm running, the only thoughts I have are about how I don't want to be running right now 😂😂. I do not want to say "just break up with him" because I know it's not easy to just leave, however I would advise that you at least let your feelings known, doesn't matter if he responds or not.

  • PumpkinBabe

    270d

    Keep yourself busy. Clean, read, listen to music, shower, self-care, just keep your mind in a positive place as much as you can. Also, I apologize but he sounds very toxic.. if I were you I would leave.. I've had an ex like him before and trust me it's not good.

    • lavvend3r

      270d

      thank u! & no i agree :( i am drifting away but i just can’t get myself to leave. i’m so attached and i don’t think i would be able to handle that rn, i’m not ready :( i can’t stop hanging onto that one little strand of hope yk?

      • PumpkinBabe

        270d

        I totally get that. I do feel as though it will end up being for the best though it hurts. It's hard to let go of someone you care for but sometimes you need to stop hugging the cactus. 🌵

  • Chuvy21

    269d

    Ugh the anxiety is real. when I separated from him (have broken up w him many times) I got a heart condition cause I wasn’t drinking enough water (luckily nothing serious) and was just pacing back and forth trying to assess our relationship and sending messages. I was hurting. Then I realized as much as he hurt me, it wasn’t as bad as what my own mother had done to me or was capable of. So I just left my unstable mothers house for a lil more stable life at my bfs house. He’s cool but when it comes to working on our relationship, he’s lacking. He knows I need help and sometimes even tells me the ways in which he’ll try to help me, then forgets/gets defensive when I remind him.. we also have a history of texting/flirting with other people behind each other’s back before we reached a point where we were both officially committed. The problem is that when I doubted his loyalty after that he called me “deluded” and then I saw text messages with bunch of girls.. so it was a lie. I felt betrayed and played with. Luckily he took the blame and didn’t blame me. He did try to get some pity out of me tho when I got mad at him and 🤢 i didnt like that. So all of this to say, I just gotta do a lot of forgiving in order to not wake up next to him and resent him.. He doesn’t ever do anything (or maybe once in a blue moon) for me unless I ask him to.. but he’s the only one I got in my life that kinda tries and when he doesn’t , at least he’s there to share a laugh with. So at least I have that 🤷‍♀️ and I know I need that considering I don’t have many friends. I don’t like that hyper individualistic “leave him” advice strangers are quick to give us. I know where my attachment comes from. Don’t be quick to dismiss your attachment to him as “anxiety” or “trauma bond” and dig deeper. Maybe you need him in the future? Maybe he’s not as bad as your parents? Maybe you got unresolved trauma from your friends/family and he’s triggering it ? If not then do consider that it might just be a trauma bond and PLEASE get some independence while you can.. especially if you live with your parents and they’re not just bad, don’t choose him over yourself. Remind yourself that. You’re worth way more don’t let him guilt trip you into thinking that you’re not enough. Read into feminism patriarchy misogyny etc , watch some tik toks on it if you wanna keep that resentment going so that you remain detached but in reality. You’ll get over him with the proper self-care I believe that , just make sure you don’t need him * first *❤️

    • lavvend3r

      269d

      thank you so much :) that made me feel a lot better about staying with him, or more so felt v comforting! i think we definitely are triggering unresolved trauma in each other. he used to be the one to be the clingy very affectionate guy in the past and didn’t get shit in return. so because i’m the first person to be affectionate back to him i guess he took the role of girls from his past bc that’s the only relationship dynamic he’s ever known, his parents relationship is also very similar. i tend to isolate myself a lot from the few friends i have from feeling overwhelmed and socially exhausted, but i wouldn’t isolate from him in those times he was my comfort person i guess. i really want to put myself first and these past few days i’ve been trying to do that but due to my conditions outside of him (mainly adhd) its be so hard for me to do that, even if i never met him! 😭 he even always tells me to put myself first.. maybe i should try harder lol. i’ll try reading for sure i’ve been wanting to get into reading in general so that’s a great place for me to start! again thank you so much for the advice it was really helpful!!!

  • PuddingStone

    269d

    I suggest projects like cleaning, sewing, crocheting, rewatching a movie series, reaching out to an old friend. Maybe having a "spa day" and taking a hot bath and clipping your nails and stuff

  • luminary

    269d

    I always like to just lay down listen to something calming and rationalize. Also like others said cleaning, painting, going for walks, watching comedy tv shows, doing extra work, learning about something you've always wanted to or watching documentaries helps, also just going places where there's music or a hustle and bustle always help me

    • luminary

      269d

      Just where you can watch the world and not be part of it can really help when you're anxious in my experience

      • lavvend3r

        269d

        that’s really helpful thank you :)

  • Crescent_Moon

    269d

    This reminds me a lot of things that happened with someone I dated a couple years ago. I read some of the comments and it is totally understandable that you wouldn't have much trust in him considering everything that has happened. I also agree with the comment about needing to stop hugging a cactus. That's basically what situation ended up being. At first the relationship with him was nice and then it ended up being toxic for me and him, since he handled things in ways that triggered my anxiety even though he didn't intend to make me feel that way. At the end of the day it wasn't a good mix cause I would end up most times feeling like trash. Anyways, after having gone through something like that, I would definitely recommend that something needs to change in your relationship with your partner. It could be breaking up or you could consider if it is possible to rekindle the trust between you and them. Trust is a two-way street. And if one person doesn't have it then it's ultimately not gonna end up well in the end. I would also recommend making sure you and your partners relationship is emotionally healthy, which by the sounds of it, it could use some fixing. It's definitely easier said then done, but my dm's are always open if you would like to talk more with me about this.

  • Crescent_Moon

    269d

    And I do have advice on how to handle anxiety in a situation like this, but other than making sure that you're coping with that to the best of your ability, it might be a good idea to use this time as a chance to consider the issues of the relationship, whether it is stuff that is between the both of you or things that you each individually struggle with that negatively impact each other and how you might be able to change those things.

    • lavvend3r

      269d

      thank you so much for all of that :) very like grounding i guess. we are working on trust but the cheating still feels so fresh so im taking it really slow. i really appreciate u telling me ab ur past relationship and sharing what it taught u! i would love to talk n dm u soon & i will when i get home ❤️

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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