Am I Not Struggling with Self-Harm Because I Don't Have Scars?

Hey

When i self harm ill put a cigarette out on my arm or ill get a razor blade and cut my wrist but not the deep

TW SH examples and experiences So self harm literally just means hurting yourself, like as a definition. Some people do it emotionally and it's still self harm. Some people restrict food to get hunger pains and its self harm. I know someone who just punches himself until hes one big bruise and it's still self harm. Even over stimming to the point you cause damage like your hand thing is self harm. Like clinically this is what a therapist would consider it and shes spreading gross misinformation by "disagreeing". But that's also a super weird and insensitive thing to both ask for and expect. No one should ask to see something that private, especially since some people self harm in private areas. I self harm, and always have, in ways that involve cutting including at least one deep wound every single time or burning/freezer burning myself leaving huge welts. But I don't scar. I have three scars I've had longer than a year and two are top surgery scars. I currently have one sh burn scar from a month ago despite doing it multiple times recently (I'm struggling and it's also during dissociative episodes but dw im okay) and its activley fading fast. It's even something my partner has mentioned thinking is unfair, his ex used to give herself tiny papercuts and would scar horribly so everyone around her was always sympathetic and she would regularly talk about her scars being part of her journey and such. So he found it unfair that my methods are more dramatic and extreme but many people Won't believe me or help me because they can't see the "proof" anymore. Idk I would talk to yor friend about her view of SH and mental health and about how comparing your struggles like that isn't healthy for either of you. I would also expect/ask for an apology for what she said about your situation and trying to say that it is fpr attention- something you should literally never say about/to any person.

Also please cut her out of your life. She sounds like a one sided toxic person. Honestly i cut all the toxic “friends” out of my life a few weeks ago and its been sad and lonely but better then me giving energy i barely have to someone who barely cares

I cut. But i also smash items or my fists into my head. No you cant physically tell but doesnt make it any less real.

Your friend is completely wrong. I thought the crappy idea of needing scars / needing to harm in a certain way had died out years ago. Your friend is the one turning self-harm into a competition - if anyone is “doing something for attention,” it’s her, frankly. I have self-harmed for 12 years, using many, many different methods. Including scratching, like yours, scratching until I bled. It is absolutely self-harm! I did that a lot. I’ve done so many different things, all the way up through what many would call “extreme” self-harm as well. I have broken my own bones & I have given myself permanent brain damage, for example. And yes, I have cut for 7 years, and I still feel the need to state that for “validity” despite my more serious injuries. It’s not good the way people turn our struggles into a competition. I thought it might help to hear someone with this perspective say this: Your self harm is absolutely real, and it matters & your pain matters.

You all are completely right. I 4 years ago did sh and I don't have scars bc that's the whole point of fading c*ts so that you can lie about it if you need to.

My self-harm consists of calling myself names and struggling to get rid of violent thoughts towards myself. Think of it like abuse. Verbal abuse is still abuse.