Livingasazebra

21d

I’ve never heard anyone talk about how draining it is to be friends with someone who has severe mental health issues. Like I’ve been blamed for things that I didn’t know would start anything, everyone takes their side, everyone blames u when u finally snap, and for years you’ve been trying ur hardest for them. Treading on eggshells about what u say so u don’t upset them. I am not a perfect friend, I have had moments where I’ve “mini snapped” and gotten mad but I don’t fully let myself go. I know I’ve done bad choices at times bc of how annoyed or fed up I was. Having a friend with severe mental health issues is so draining to the other person. I want to be there for them but I can’t do it anymore and I’m so fed up I just snapped and broke off thr friendship. I feel bad bc I suffer enough with mental health and I’d be mortified if someone did it with me but in the end I think it’s best we’re not friends anyway bc I’m not handing it well anymore. Ppl blame me and tell me I should act differently and it’s like “u just don’t understand do u?” Does anyone else have experience of this? Also they got really defensive and aggressive when I told them the truth instead of admitting their weaknesses and having a mature conversation about it, which portrays me as the bad guy again. I’m so fed up honestly

Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

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  • lovette

    21d

    as someone with complex mental health issues honestly i feel like you arent obligated to be friends with someone just because they have mental health problems. mental health problems also dont make someone exempt from being a draining or difficult person to be around. it's ok to admit you need to walk away

    • Livingasazebra

      21d

      thank you after years of ppl telling me to stop whenever I mildly snapped bc “it’s not their fault” it just felt like nobody was listening. I feel awful for them and I wish I could be there for them. But the friendship isn’t very healthy and everyone only sees her side… I am expecting us to not be friends as we had a big blowout a few days ago where I finally snapped

  • mx.mistoffolees

    21d

    This isn't (or shouldn't) actually be about their mental health issues. Its important for them to understand that mental illness doesn't excuse all behavior, and for you to understand that mental illness doesn't mandate you remain in a relationship that is hurting you.

  • Aaronb03

    21d

    I have a hard time keeping friends too, and taking to my therapist about how to regulate and minimize negative reactions that are intensified by my mental health issues has really helped. People don't have to stay by us if we hurt them, even if it was bc of a symptom. It suck ass, but maybe now is the time to learn how to enjoy spending time with yourself, and have dedication to improving your quality of life and your mental health. Then maybe once you cope better it'll be easier to keep friends. Its a hard truth but if people don't want to be friends with you bc of your mental health, you aren't doing what you need to to take care of yourself. I learned this the hard way after a huge breakdown and I lost a good friend of mine

  • anemone

    21d

    the best thing i can say is, set firm boundaries. encourage them to do the same. failing to set boundaries is how situations like this start. if you don't set firm boundaries they will end up depending too much on you, in this case emotionally, and it's a surefire way to set the relationship (friendship or otherwise) to fail. it's a lesson i learned only when it nearly killed me. it doesn't matter how bad you feel for them. you and your own mental (and physical) health has to come first in every relationship.

  • Hannibal

    21d

    I can't really give much input on the situation because of course I don't have all the details but you are never obligated to be friends with someone

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