Worried About Psych Evaluation and Medication

@SA65 I'm scared of the same thing but I'm not sure my SI is completely passive though, I came up with plans in the past that I would think about constantly for a couple weeks before acting on them. I really believe that my being committed would only make my mental health worse though. I don't need monitoring I need to be able to talk about it before it gets that bad again. I'm so terrified that they're going to admit me because they're mandated to, that I'm not actually going to get the treatment I need. This has made it to where I'm just not able to be honest. I recently switched to a different psychiatrist I intentionally scheduled my intake a few weeks out so I'd have time to prepare questions in my notes and list my symptoms. I was hoping that having a detailed list before I went in would make it easier for me to be honest but it didn't. I brought up things I wasn't able to before but I still couldn't be honest about how recent my last attempt was. My answer is always more than a year ago. I'm more terrified of what would happen if I go to a psychiatric hospital than I am of the outcome of another attempt. I want to be honest and I want to get the treatment I need I just don't know how to do this when it's seen as one size fits all. Meanwhile I have PTSD because of the mental abuse I endored as a child so I do everything I can to avoid going to the hospital because I hate feeling like I'm being controlled.