Does anyone have any suggestions for how to cope with splitting? My favorite person is my boyfriend, and even though we’ve been together 3 years and he always does things to demonstrate his love for me, sometimes I still end up splitting and feeling like he doesn’t actually love me and I get paranoid and doubtful of his motivations and get worried he’s going to abandon me. This oftentimes affects how I talk to him and treat him, and even though he’s aware of my BPD and tries to help me, I know it gets really hard for him to deal with me when I get like that. Does anyone have any coping strategies… I don’t want to ruin my one good relationship :(
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
i absolutely relate to this!! my romantic partner is also my FP and i struggle with this as well. usually, when i start splitting, i want someone to Know that i’m upset, usually my FP. and i want them to know it’s their fault and make them feel bad. usually, instead of contacting them or talking to them, i acknowledge the split and take some time to give myself space and cool down, while typing all of my thoughts into a notes document. then i throw myself into a distraction for a while, which usually quickly diverts my attention, and when i go back to what i typed before, it usually seems ridiculous after the heated moment has ended. tldr, its important to Acknowledge the splitting and let your partner Know about the split before allowing yourself space to process those feelings. good luck friend!
thank you so much 🏼 that was really helpful, I really appreciate your response!
I am the exact same way, and my best strategy I try to use is to alter my thinking, I remind myself that I can't control how others feel about me and that worrying about it will not change anything. And just try my best to focus on how much I love my SO and try to live in the present and enjoy the time I have with him. This of course isn't a cure all and doesn't completely fix those insecurities but it has helped me quite a bit to in a way take the edge off.
And of course communicating how you feel to him is very important but it sounds like you are doing your best there.
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