Struggling with Anger as an Autistic Person

** Self Advocacy via NTizing the language ** — about me disclaimer— I’m Uber extroverted, so I’m way more overly attached to people. (Even when I’ve been nonverbal from stress I’ve still hung with friends and just texted them in the same room). So I don’t experience what you’re describing as much, but I do also have to self advocate. — the method— I find people don’t react the best to neurodivergent terminology. I tell people what I need, but I “neurotypicalize” it [change the experience into something they can better relate to. Often this will be the closest neurotypical language equivalent to the ND trait you’re experiencing]. —Examples— - instead of “socially withdrawn” I might instead say “My social battery has run out. Then leave.” - instead of “sensory issues”, I’ll say “noise sensitive” or sometimes “light sensitive”. Those are my big two and the ones that come up a lot. - instead of “executive dysfunction”, I’ll say “my brain is fried/frozen”, or “my mind is racing too much to focus” - instead of “I have social difficulties”, I’ll say “I have trouble identifying nonverbal cues/sarcasm/implications, if you hint at something I’ll probably miss it”. - instead of “I’m going to have a meltdown” I’ll say “im feeling very anxious/overwhelmed and think I might have a panic attack. Can we leave/can I have space”. — Results and Benefits — Basically I become “quirky”. It’s a game of “how do I say this is bc I’m ND without saying this is bc I’m ND”. I’m also pretty open about it so anyone close to me will know all the real terminology, but with aquantenies/unaccepting people, the real explanation is often unnesscesary and not beneficial. I usually use this in response to things such as “why are you covering your ears”, shifting their eyes before saying “that was sarcasm”, or “why aren’t you doing your work” since in these cases an ND explanation is too complicated and often taking poorly. People (sadly) are more likely to accommodate and accept quirky than ND. — Conclusion and Your application— I would recommend trying to NTize your experience to create a way for you to safely remove your self or explain the accommodations you need. In your specific case it sounds to me (if I am correct in reading this is a fairly new or increased phenomenon) the anger could be a sign of increased emotional disregulation due to burn out or nearing burn out. **If you find yourself getting angry you should apologize and leave. ** A good NTizing might be “sorry that was uncalled for. I’ve been really stressed lately and I shouldn’t have taken that out on you. I think my social battery has run out for the night/day so I’m going to spend some time alone” If you’re open about your Autism with the people you snap out you could try autistic explanations. Again, it’s probably a good thing to remove your self when you’re getting angry. — So the Control? — I know that’s not exactly the control you were looking for, but sometimes the best control is to know your limits and not be stretched to thin. Knowing your limit may allow you to be happier and more present in social situations. Hope that helps! ❤️ ❤️

It’s incredibly tough. Some of my people have accepted a sort of “safe word” for when I need them to leave me alone. Unfortunately, my sister just rolls her eyes at the mention of me being on the autism spectrum.

Yuuuup. Its an uphill battle for sure

It’s just a lot harder with family because they’ll tell me that being upset is irrational but if I tell them it’s because of my autism they won’t take it seriously

That shit is hard as the day is long. Its a process of identifying triggers and talking about them. Some people might be mad that your doing so but thats okay. You got this!

I guess my point is to communicate

I frequently have to leave the room/space and find a quiet place to take some deep breaths. Setting boundries is vital and not letting people overwork you is hard but important.

I try to make sure I’m not in a meltdown mindset if possible, then I very bluntly tell them my issues. But that doesn’t always work. Just an idea