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serendi

549d

I’ve discovered very recently that intonation and more-than-slight facial expression in conversation where I’m not super hyped drains me. I didn’t think so for a while, plus all that internalized ableism made me say “not enough to counteract the lack of this one” to my myriad other autistic traits. (Body language is not something that drains me. I enjoy it. It’s been a special interest since I was very small.) But now that I’ve noticed… hrm. It’s like, on one hand, it’s good to know this about myself, I think. But OTOH, I don’t like it. It makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I *want* to want to do that (repetition intended). But maybe that’s just the years of doing so? The internalized ableism? General societal pressure? Wanting people to understand what I’m trying to communicate?? I don’t know…. Did anyone else experience this? How did you approach it? Did anything help you to either come to terms with it and stop camouflaging it so hard; or if you chose the other way, to help you continue to do it without putting so much strain on you?

Top reply
    • DitsyDiabetic

      548d

      Hey, just came here to say my thoughts on this, simple as they may be. In addition to ASD, i also have severe bipolar 1. Due to this, I am automatically a little more empathetic and can read others emotions a little better. However, also because of this i have studied emotions and body language EXTENSIVELY and this has helped me a LOT. I highly encourage you to do this. I’m also happy to give any insight i have if anyone were to message me. One final thought. I find it much easier to be expressive when stoned. Cannabis, my friends, is a miracle for ASD. Literally nothing else helps me come off as neurotypical in public as much as thc. That is all. Thanks for reading and have a nice day. 😇💜

    • DitsyDiabetic

      548d

      Hey, just came here to say my thoughts on this, simple as they may be. In addition to ASD, i also have severe bipolar 1. Due to this, I am automatically a little more empathetic and can read others emotions a little better. However, also because of this i have studied emotions and body language EXTENSIVELY and this has helped me a LOT. I highly encourage you to do this. I’m also happy to give any insight i have if anyone were to message me. One final thought. I find it much easier to be expressive when stoned. Cannabis, my friends, is a miracle for ASD. Literally nothing else helps me come off as neurotypical in public as much as thc. That is all. Thanks for reading and have a nice day. 😇💜

      • serendi

        548d

        @DitsyDiabetic I also have bipolar, though I believe it’s type 2. I think that’s part of what’s helped me with the things you listed about it as well. Psychology is my top special interest, so I’m quite good at understanding those things. It’s generally very helpful for me, but it also makes it much easier and “natural” to camouflage, which I think is why it’s so much harder for me to turn off that part of me. Ahh, I’ve heard that from several people. I use edibles, but getting high from it makes my anxiety spike because I can’t control nor even remember my thoughts. I wish it didn’t make me so anxious. Maybe some friends can help me find a type that works better for me. Thank you for sharing!! I genuinely appreciate it. 😊

    • Hayls

      548d

      I'm still in the same phase as you, so nothing to contribute here 🙄 lots of internalized ableism (perpetuated by the people I keep in my life...), just started truly realizing that I'm drained by the interactions I've tried so hard to maintain, same special interest in the human psychology of social interactions. Haven't deciphered whether it's masking I should stop or if there's another way to contend with it. Hoping others on this post have some insight to processing the concept

    • Tinabunneh

      549d

      Hi! ✋ I have also put a lot of effort into learning body language/expressions/making proper eye contact over the years! I find it exhausting sometimes because I know mine is very, very rooted in some vain attempt to be “normal” after being bullied as a younger kid. It’s become almost a relief to get to a stage of friendship with someone that I’m comfortable expressing “oh I’m autistic” and I’m usually met with “oh that makes sense” and while it’s a little hit to my pride to know that my facade isn’t perfect, it takes pressure off of future interactions with that friend.

      • serendi

        548d

        @Tinabunneh I’m quite open about it which I’ve found has really helped. The biggest obstacle I’ve found in regard to this is navigating this kind of situation with people I’ve known for a long time. My mom has anxiety really bad, so when I don’t camouflage as much, it triggers her anxiety and insecurities. I know that isn’t my issue to tackle, but I hate stressing her out like that.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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