i dont feel like we talk enough about how weird greyouts and having a semi-shared consciousness are, especially when you dont front very often.

i havent been here in several months, and since then we've had some extreme life changes, including moving states away. and i should be lost and confused at being shoved out into an environment ive never been into, but im not. i managed to finish our shift at work, drive us all the way home, and find my apartment with no issues.

important stuff like that, stuff that has to do with our wellbeing and coming off as a normal and well-adjusted human (like driving, where home is and how to get there, how to do our job), is always passed along and shared between all of us so we dont have any meltdowns over being scared and confused in a random public place, but it always feels so bizarre. i had never done that job or driven that route or been to this building. i shouldnt have known how to do thise things and how to get here, but i did. i do. and i think any of the others would too. but theres always this dark, sinking feeling of "i should not know this. how do i know this," that makes you question your whole reality. it definitely doesnt help with dissociation; i think it just makes it worse.

i dont know, i think its just that i always see having a shared consciousness as this great, positive thing, but it always leaves us with this incredibly weird and off-putting feeling. i know it helps us, but it never *feels* positive. it feels wrong.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)


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  • AsterWest


    We're struggling with this so much right now as a fully functional fully plural system. We had plans when we were a much smaller and more organized system and more or less they're going as planned but the details were specific to those headmates (who are coming back after a year or two out of front) and it's very hard for them to adjust. A lot of those plans involved our partner system as well and obviously they've changed differently than we have so our headmates are coming back to headmates in our partner system that they don't know as well and weren't necessarily prepared to spend extensive time with.

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