Struggling with Intermittent Explosive Disorder

I have hit my mom multiple times throughout my childhood and I hate myself for it. I get the not wanting to be angry anymore thing. It's so exhausting always being angry. I hate feeling this way. I just want to be happy. Pretty much the majority of the time I'm either angry or stressed. It's rare that I'm happy. But when I am, It's very short lived because people stress me out. I always feel that when I get out of my parents' homes and graduate from college I'll be happier because my anger and stress is caused by my mom and the students on my campus. When I get my own house and my own job, things will be better, and I'm hoping I can even go lower on my medication.