13 Years of Abuse and No Apology

I moved from Russia to the states when I was 6yo and I lived with my abusive step-Dad since then. He abused me and my (neurotic) Mother, who does not even acknowledge his abuse which ranged from everyday emotional to physical. I grew up with non stop screaming in the house every day coming home from school. I used to hide in my bed to not be noticed and imagine things changing. Now I am 22yo, I’ve been suffering from chronic (what I think is atypical) treatment resistant depression since I was 15. I am on an MAOI (Nardil, phenelzine) but after unexpected and traumatic events I relapsed into my worst ever depression which I am dealing with now. So I understand what this is like. I have to accept the fact my Mother will never change and come to an understanding, because I’ve tried talking with her again and again and it only ended up hurting me more. It believe it really helps to start living alone or away from your abusers and to find a qualified therapist with a compassion trauma-focused approach.

My heart goes out to you, because that's a shit situation. I will say, the best feeling was when I no longer needed an apology from my father (my abuser), I was just done. It takes so much to get there, but it's a beautiful arrival. I wish that for you.

Im proud of you. For keeping on. They'll never apologize and you don't need it, if they ever admitted what they did they'd have to reckon with having done something evil. How could they keep on if they reconciled with their heinous actions? so they won't but it'll haunt them. but who gives a shit what they do. You don't need an apology what would it do for you an apology only has worth if you care at all about the person giving it. I understand why it gnaws though. you want an admission of guilt to know you are valid. to know for certain that you are right and they know it. but they know it, theyre just too much a coward to admit it to you much less themselves. and you know it. you don't need anything from them. you are valid and you are a survivor and im proud of you.