XCxsmic.CalamityX

195d

So I love my fiancé, I really do, but there is one thing about our relationship that has simply lost it's spice. I have PTSD and with that comes hypersexuality, my fiancé doesn't have that at all, I recall him saying that he's like an old man when he's younger than I am. Idk what to do about this because I don't want to pressure him but at the same time I want our sex life to be like how it was at the beginning of our relationship. I've even gone as far as to suggest libido pills for him to match my drive for just a little while. It isn't putting a strain on our relationship by any means, I just want to have what he said before the relationship started happening now... Thoughts?

Depression

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  • Ryan94

    195d

    Ok, so as someone who struggles with hypersexuality while manic, and hyposexuality when depressed, I recommend getting a toy. It's weird, but it's true. You may not be able to get your fiancee to your level, just as you may not be able to get on their level. Best thing you can do is take care of it yourself. That prevents the possibility of seeking that elsewhere, and it in itself can help relationships if you can make it a "team sport." Now, this isn't a cure-all and may not work for y'all, but it is a good, healthy start and worth a shot if y'all aren't opposed to it. Some people think polygamy works, but that is dicey waters and can easily offend someone as well as breaking trust inadvertently. ✌🏻

    • XCxsmic.CalamityX

      193d

      see I thought that would help, I have a sex toy, but it doesn't get the job done as well and I feel VERY awkward doing it in front of him, he'll usually just turn over on the bed but that still doesn't really help me... And there's times where he's been asleep and I'd try to do it and he'll snap on me cuz I'm moving the bed too much when I've literally done it before and didn't wake him up. So now I have to banish myself to the couch to do shit... And my bedroom is the only clean room in the house so I'm constantly having to stop because of flied and gnats cuz of the depression piles we have everywhere.

  • Gina1998

    195d

    I always try to remind myself that relationships change and evolve, and that’s okay. So when you work through problems, don’t focus on matching the past, just focus on a new normal that you are happy with

  • CrazyHiefer

    195d

    I’m the opposite. My fiancée is very sexual and it’s hard bc my meds lower my sex drive. Form the opposite perspective, I recommend good communication, encouraging him to take supplements for libido, and trying the art of seduction. Talk about love languages, your needs, and finding other ways of sexual touch without sex has helped our relationship. But it’s incredibly difficult. Couples counseling or a sex therapist may help. In my case, anxiety lowers my drive for sex a lot too. Best wishes to you

  • AshJson

    195d

    Communication is the biggest thing for me and my husband. For me sex is incredibly emotionally reassuring and I feel the biggest amount of love that way. I know my PTSD has a big factor in that. Me and my husband had a long conversation about what we expected in our sex lives and heard each other out honestly and freely. I need sex to feel loved and cared for right now so we came up with a system. We are a young couple, both 21 y/o with no kids, and we schedule sex. That way it makes me feel secure in the fact that I will get what I need and he can be prepared and we both know the expectations for the day. The biggest issue I had was being rejected over and over and not knowing when I was going to get that attention again. So my recommendation is scheduling. That doesn't mean any days where it's not scheduled to be celibate days, but rather days when either can happen but there is no expectation of sex.

    • XCxsmic.CalamityX

      193d

      That's very helpful, pinkie promises have gotten me nowhere... And he knows I take them seriously, scheduling might help... But idk if that will stop him from cancelling those days too...

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