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Mouc12

388d

I'm really struggling in my relationship. we are getting married in May and I love him more than I can even explain but its been hard recently. the begining was amazing, we'd be having sex as often as we could but slowly intimacy and sex has been sparse and rare. I thought he just had a low sex drive and maybe it was the initial spark that had made him want it more at the start. I have a high sex drive and sometimes I question whether it's me thats the problem? He's recently opened up to me about experiencing sexual assault in his last serious relationship and it makes it hard for him to be intimate because it brings back some bad memories. which I totally understand and I've been trying to support and be there for him. I feel selfish and guilty for feeling this way because of what he's endured. some rdm background I was assaulted when I was 16 but I suppose its effected me differently. As much as I know why this is happening, it's still hard not to take it personally. like, I want him to want to rip my clothes off and to be risky and adventurous, but even when we do have sex it's strange. he won't make eye contact with me, and there's no foreplay or anything different. It's like he's only doing it to fulfill a primal need and then he's done and that's it... sorry for rambling I'm just very confused and feeling down right now.

    • BubbleGirl1

      388d

      I completely get it, people can be hypersexual after trauma or no longer have interest, I would see if he's open to seeking therapy if he's not already in it. I feel like alot of relationships the sex in the beginning is not the same as the sex now I've been with my husband going on 5 years and the sex when we first met is not the same I too have a high sex drive and have trauma, he doesn't have trauma but it can hurt when being denied and I feel like that stems from my love language being touch so if you don't want to touch me and have sex you must not love me, I'm still working on myself telling myself that's not what that means.

      • Mouc12

        388d

        @BubbleGirl1 that's very true, I guess my trauma did the opposite of his. He doesn't like therapy and thinks its a waste of money, he says it's just a load of questions that are hard to answer. I feel very much the same as you, where if he denies me and doesn't want it I feel like I've done something wrong and that he doesn't want to be with me. I'm just worried that if I talk to him about it he will think I'm being selfish and not understanding how he feels

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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