Struggling with Trauma and Memory Loss

Hey dont feel guilty, your caregivers messed up and arent entitled to know these things until you're ready to tell them. My mother's neglect and my father obliviousness is one of the tamest things that happened to us in childhood but it is still the current known root of my DID, and thats still something that effects our relationship. So she isn't really the biggest villain, I have had to remember multiple accounts of CSA recently that involved people I dont even know and I have been literally tortured, but the reason why I'm a polyfragmented mess is simply because she stopped feeding me at night too early and was neglecting my needs. Multiple of the horrifying situations I ended up in in early childhood might have come to light if that very first split didnt cause irreparable damage to my attachment style and our relationship. Like so much so I have memories of alters trying to tell her about these things and being silenced by other alters that stopped trusting her when we were 6 months old. It's made things harder for me that I didnt ever have a mother I could actually count on but it also means I have valid reasoning to keep things from her until I'm comfortable bringing them up, as do you.

There’s no need to feel guilty about things you can’t remember. Even things you can remember. It hurts to know that our lives can be so horrible that we feel shame about having lived through it. Your caregivers are owed nothing. You share with them whatever you feel comfy with. If that’s nothing, then that’s ok. They’ll have to respect that boundary or stay out of your life. This is scary stuff. I’m sorry you gotta go through it too. It does get easier. You got your alters/other people to help you out. You’re not in this alone (quite literally lol). Good luck.