Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts and Self-Harm Urges: Need Advice

I have a dilema. Eventual questions: What would you do in this situation? Would you tell them at IOP or wait it out? Risk telling them? And let what happens happen. Or try to work it out myself? I don’t know what to do. Advice? Backstory/details below. I’m feeling suicidal again. Just fleeting thoughts. No plan, means or intent. And I am having the worst self-harm urges that I’ve had in a hella long time. So close to it. The only thing honestly that is stopping me at this moment is that I have group tomorrow and I’m a bad liar and we have to fill out these questions everyday that pertain to these issues. I hope the urges going away. I really don’t want to give up. But. At the same time it releases stress which is what I need. I think I will stop myself from another episode if I do. My anxiety is thru the roof again and my PTSD is showing it’s ugly face again behind the other symptoms. I want to admit this bc I said I would. And I want to tell the truth. But I also do NOT want to go back to the hospital and miss more work. I only have like a week and a half of sick time left. I’m having symptoms again after returning to work after 2 weeks. I love my work. But I went back and realized that manic me was freaking insane and I understand how I got to where I was. Had panic attacks again after 2 weeks of none. So. Was hypomanic for a couple months, then had an intense trauma trigger which was the last straw for my brain apparently. Extremely manic and suicidal. Inpatient for 6 days. Now in IOP. Been completely sober over a year now. Sober for longer on specific things. No self-harm over a year and 5 years before that. Been off work for 2 weeks and am going to be working part time for the next 2 weeks. Today was freaking hard. And I have 2 days left in my work week. I don’t know what to do, honestly.