Struggling with my son's severe ADHD and behavior problems

It sounds like you are doing all the right things even though this is a tough situation. You are doing an amazing job even if it doesn’t feel like it. Maybe think about what kind of support you would need to make this feel more manageable. Would having a sitter over sometimes give you some time to decompress? If it’s not in the budget are you able to qualify for support based on your son’s diagnoses? Maybe from a religious organization or nonprofit? You mentioned you son is in therapy, are you/would that be helpful? Or maybe family therapy could help all of you communicate and work through things. What relaxes you? Try to make time for that even if it’s really challenging. Try to make time for you and your husband to have date nights. Take advantage of every service available to you whether that is extra support at school or support at home. I haven’t personally dealt with something similar so I apologize if my advice isn’t helpful.

I dealt with this with my oldest son. He was diagnosed with adhd, odd, and bipolar disorder. From 10 until 16 was a nightmare. He would blow up break things, punch holes in my walls, etc. I tried medicine, hospitalization, therapy and nothing seemed to help. When he was 16 I took him out of regular school and put him in a program in our area. He started to calm down at 16 and he ended up graduating early. He's now 17 and doesn't do any of this. I had to learn not to be reactive when he got angry bc it made things worse for both of us. Now we can talk about things calmly or he'll just walk away for a bit when he gets angry. Me learning not to be reactive and him getting older and learning to cope better helped a lot but so did taking him out of traditional schooling bc he just couldn't function there. He's now unmedicated and does better then he did when he was. Hopefully your son will learn to cope better as he gets older like my son did. He tells me now he realizes what he put me through and he's sorry. It's a difficult situation to be in bc they're your children and you love them but it puts a serious strain on your relationship with them when they are going through this.

I'm sure you already spoken to your sons GP about this? They should have given him referral for therapy and perhaps medicine?