Struggling with Lupus Testing and Symptom Flares

vent tw so far my tests have been coming back inconclusive for Lupus so I might be back to square one. Again. Right when I woke up this morning, before I even went to go get the tests done, I realized I was waking up sick again for the third day in a row so im coming up on a symptom flare and broke down about it pretty much all morning because the more flare ups I get the more it feels like im never going to recover. On top of that doing the testing felt awful, every position I stood in or had to keep my legs in hurt my back at least a little the entire time and the blood draw made me feel sick and I had to wait like 2 months to get it done because i was sick with a URI for that entire time. It's so weird and conflicting to feel like im going to die suffering from this while still feeling like I shouldn't be feeling like this and like im doing something wrong so it's some how my fault since they can't find anything. The only upsides are that I'm still waiting on a few tests and I'm fairly hopeful for the xrays, regardless of how it turns out I'd like to see them, and at least the tech who did my blood draw gave me a bandage that matched my outfit.