See Alike in...

Alike App

Browser

Struggling with Family Trauma

Tobiias

680d

Uhhhh first post here, hope I'm doing this right! But anyone out there who's able to relate or offer advice? It's been ~4.5 years now since I left home when I was 17. I got kicked out after my mom refused to believe me about the s/a that had been happening to me my whole life. And like, I'm angry. But I still love her. I want to talk to her, and see my baby brother, but she's still with my abuser too and it's just a whole mess :( and she refuses to talk to me about the situation saying I should move on like she did. But now she talks to me like everything is fine too.

0

9

9

Complex post traumatic stress disorder

View all
Top reply
    • ren410

      680d

      Im sorry. Like someone else said, its ok to still love her and be angry. There arent rules, and more love never made any situation worse. I have had similar denial from my mother and she was my abuser (physical and mental, not sexual)

      2

      Reply
      Chat
    • SunInAugust

      680d

      its hard to not feel dismissed.......because you are being dismissed. Not being believed by your own parent is a major dismissal, put lightly. If you told her in order to have a relationship with her you need her to believe you, would you feel like you're honoring your needs? Telling her how important her relationship with you is to you and being honest about what you need?

      1

      Reply
      • Tobiias

        680d

        @SunInAugust I'm pretty afraid of what she'd say if I gave her an ultimatum, considering the fact it feels like she pretty much just already chose :( but I've been thinking about tossing the idea of a sort of family therapy for the two of us to maybe work through it and communicate.

        0

        Reply
    • ren410

      680d

      Im sorry. Like someone else said, its ok to still love her and be angry. There arent rules, and more love never made any situation worse. I have had similar denial from my mother and she was my abuser (physical and mental, not sexual)

      2

      Reply
      • Tobiias

        680d

        @ren410 Have you had any improvement with her and the denial? That's always so painful when you know they hurt you. We shouldn't put aside our own comfort and let them get away with it, but obviously cutting ties is difficult when we still want to hold onto our family.

        0

        Reply
    • Harline

      680d

      It's ok to still love the people who hurt you but you have to put up a little wall between yourself and that person so you don't get hurt again. Think about your safety first. You have a right to be angry and to feel like this. Refusing to talk about the situation is a non starter, soo be patient but if the people you love do not show the care for you that you need than probably best to set them aside for now until they are ready to listen

      2

      Reply
      • Tobiias

        680d

        @Harline Thank you, this means a lot. I've had people tell me to just drop her and go no contact, but I don't know if I can. Especially because I still want to see my brother. I'm going to keep trying to be patient and hope that one day she'll be willing to actually listen to me. None of my family even believes me either :((

        0

        Reply
        • SunInAugust

          680d

          @Tobiias i believe you

          1

          Reply
    • SunInAugust

      680d

      Ooof....okay, well this sounds not unrelated to some of my own family stuff.... Prioritize your safety, first and foremost. I'm also curious what your boundaries are? What your expectations and hopes are? The loss of family you want to see to prioritize your safety is really hard.

      1

      Reply
      • Tobiias

        680d

        @SunInAugust That's a good question. I don't even know myself what my hopes are. Of course it would be for best case scenario and she comes to her senses- but until then it's really hard to try and navigate this weird situation we're in, pretending things are okay. I'll never, ever choose to see my abuser again, that's a massive boundary, but it's hard to not make it feel like I'm being dismissed yknow? Thank you for the response as well, and I hope you're doing okay šŸ’•

        0

        Reply

ā˜ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Want to chat or share? Download the Alike app now and get complete access to Alike.health's unique features.

Alike health

Instantly get answers to medical questions with our AI, built from the collective wisdom of our community facing similar experiences

Write your question here...

Get answer
Thank you! Your submission has been received!

Related Questions

Find people who are
experiencing a similar
medical reality

join the community
100% Free
100%
Free
Alike is a transformative platform that goes beyond just bringing together patients; it meticulously connects individuals based on multiple critical factors, such as age, gender, comorbidities, medications, diet, and more, fostering a community of knowledge, support and empathy.
Ā© 2020-2023 Alike, Inc
About AlikeWisdomFAQEditorial TeamAll ConditionsAll PostsAll Communities
Your PrivacyStoriesCommunity GuidelinesTerms of UsePrivacy PolicyBlogContact Us

Download Alike for the full experience

JOIN

View All

Bupropion

night sweats

paranoid

Valium

sertraline

palpitations

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

palpitations

Depression

Valium

Bupropion