Hi all, I'm 32, soon to be 33, a dad to 2 beautiful girls, married for 10 years. Not to go super into detail, but I went through a drug induced psychosis a month before I got married, I hurt the woman I love, and came extraordinarily close to taking my own life. I ignored the way I felt for 10 years before I finally talked to someone. I always blamed the way I felt on stress, financial troubles, etc. During quarantine in 2020, I had nothing to blame and I went from pushing the negative emotions out, to pushing everything out. I feel emotionally numb most of the time now. I take Wellbutrin and Prozac, and while the medication helps, it's only for a short time. Every time my doctor increased my dose, I would feel better for a few months and then be back in the same place. That combination of meds has kept me feeling more consistent, but I'm back to the same feeling of nothing again. I have a talk therapist, it's been positive for me. I feel like she focuses more on my anxiety than the depression though. I feel like I should have gotten help a long time ago and I wouldn't be in this hole that I'm in now. It doesn't help anything that I feel like my problems are insignificant compared to people who have gone through much worse things and that I should just stop complaining. I got diagnosed with depression in October 2020. January 2021 I started having thoughts and urges of self harm. It's been quite a while since I had those thoughts since I started the talk therapy, so at least it's helping to some degree. If you made it this far, thanks for reading my out-of-order, chaotic ramblings.