Struggling to Take My Medication

Okay so, a few years ago a overdosed on an antidepressant i was taking at the time. I don’t remember the name. Anyway, the years following up until now any time i looked at a bottle of medication i just got so many thoughts of wanting to get that feeling back. The feeling of happiness and numbness at the same time. But now i dont get those thoughts. Every night when i have to take my meds, just looking at them makes me sick. Like i wanna puke. Its so hard to swallow them and it seems like the doctors just keep adding more every few months. I dont know if its good per say, being i dont have the want to take them anymore. Or is it bad that i get sick just looking at the meds i have to take to stay healthy. Leave your opinions down below, i would love to hear what you guys think is up.