Struggling to Move On After My Ex's Sexual Assault

Content warning for sexual assault, suicide About a year ago my ex girlfriend was sexually assaulted i internalized it a great deal and it lead to us breaking up and me attempting suicide she called today to let me know she's moved on snd i suppose so have i but ifigured when we did I'd stop thinking about, but i still have vivid nightmares of it i think about it every day I let someone i loved come to harm and i couldn't even be there for them and now they're just fine and i can't even let them be happyni think it's the right thing to do to let go, i can't even stop thinking about it enough to go out on a date or see a movie or start school I've given up everything that makes me happy and it still isn't enough to make it feel ok I tried to meet people or even just make friends and it feels filthy i feel like a slut