Struggling to Connect with My Mentally Ill Husband

I am "black & white" -ing, and I have zero coping mechanisms or tips for this yet. I am just hoping for tips and kind words. I've been with my husband for 7.5 years, and we were friends for years prior. Now, I'm finding it hard to connect with him, to care about him. I idolized him, and I dont think I knew I did. He is mentally ill in his own ways, and every ounce of compassion in me says hes just going through his own hard times, that he needs me. But the rest of me says, "OH MY GOD, JUST STOP." Hes rude, short tempered, self absorbed, angry. It hurts me, but, again, this is not who he is. But the "black" side says... maybe it is and I just missed it...