Struggling to Come Out: How Did You Know You Weren't Straight?

I came out a few times actually. It's still a process because old friends/people I haven't seen in a long time don't even know that I am nonbinary. In high school, I finally had my first crush on a boy, and I am afab so I had been waiting for crushes that way because well, it's ingrained into the way everyone acts[which is annoying af] but like, i realized I had felt that way about girls, too, and decided i was bisexual. come sophmore year I got an actual girlfriend. My mom took my phone and looked through it [because one of my friends in freshman year was asking for risky things so she was monitering] and she found my girlfriend and my texts. So then she was telling people about me having a girlfriend and being bi without my consent[she told my stepdad who said it was "just a phase" and "all gays are going to hell"] which was very uncomfy. fast forward, i find out i actually don't feel sexual attraction! and so I identify as ace/asexual. I told people on my own time like family but most told "you will find the right person" or some crap. not too far after i find out ace, i find the community and find out that nonbinary is a thing. AND IT HITS ME INSTANTLY, I am that!! So I wait until I turn 18 to come out because stepdad and all, move out then say "hey By the way my name is actually Mako and my pronouns are they/them/theirs." Now, most people are ok with that but mess it up a lot. Like my mom, slips up sometimes with it because well, they knew me for 18 years before I found out I was Mako. And my grandma really tries but she still, everyday, uses the wrong pronouns or something haha. skip to when I got my first job, and feel sexual attraction for the first time, decide to be extremely confused but land back on asexual because it is so uncommon for me to feel that. And yeah, he was NOT the right person for me- he had his own 6 year relationship and led me on and was just overall a jerk about my nonbinary-ness. which leads me to the point where my dad didn't want to use my pronouns anymore because they are "confusing" For clarification, I landed on 10 labels. Aromantic, idemromantic, greyromantic, demiromantic, panromantic, transgender, nonbinary, agender, asexual, bi-aesthetic. Feel free to ask me about them. I certainly haven't "come out" with all those labels, like, went and told everyone all of them, but if someone asks I tell. And it leads me to Now where I'm in a great relationship with an amab. Which makes some people think "oh it was just a phase" and crap. so yeahhhh it's been a long journey.

It took me 8 years to come out to my best friend as bi. I live in the heart of the Bible belt and I know there are people (like my parents) who I will never ever come out to. I just hope one day that I can move out of hear and leave my old life behind. I am just so thankful I fell in love with a man and no one questions me anymore.

Something kind of similar happened to me my freshmen year of HS (so ~14). I told my lesbian friend that I just couldn’t relate to how extremely hypersexual one of our strait friends was and it confused me. So she helped me figure it out (acespec) by sending me articles and stuff. I was honestly excited to tell my friends (but even then would never tell my parents). Telling our mutual friends at school went… poorly to say the least and now I’m scared to come out to other people after that. Not all coming out experiences will be good ones. And that’s NOT ok. You deserve better than those people/reactions. The most important thing I’ve learned is that you don’t come out once. Coming out is a lifetime affair. But it gets easier every time. Good luck and welcome to the fam!

I'm a lesbian. I had a bit of a hard time coming out to my mom, because she always talked about this idea she had in her head where I married a man. She tried to convince me that I was not gay for a while, but once I told her that I was certain I was, she accepted it. I found out I was gay when I was 12. All of my friends were in their "boy crazy" phase and I wasn't. I thought it was because I was so much more mature and I was waiting for the "right man," then I figured out I had a huge crush on this girl in my class lol.