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E_belli

352d

I feel so self-conscious right now and don't know if it was a good idea. I've been struggling hard with my PTSD this week and when I was triggered and had a meltdown at the Walgreens, told him mostly bc I asked him not to eat peanut butter and it being a trigger was the reason. I told him and made a laugh about it. So he is aware that I have PTSD. and PTSD-related nightmares. We have kind of talked about it in passing when I was getting like a half hr of sleep at night due to the nightmares. But I keep it light-hearted. But yesterday I freaked out and had to leave work pretty immediately after being relieved. I had a major trauma reaction when I was in my supervisor's small office that is filled to the brim due to the painters being there. I felt trapped and claustrophobic and it was bad and I had an issue, mostly by myself except for seeing him for a little bit. Anyway.. Having trouble today, due to another completely different trigger. He has said last night that he wanted to be supportive if it happens again, etc. He was pretty helpful just by making me laugh and connect to the real world. It was awkward. But I was definitely in a panic attack/flashback and couldn't escape. Which besides the Walgreens incident hasn't happened in years! Anyway. I felt like I owed him an explanation. So.. I shared a spoken word/slam poem from way back when I was competing almost a decade ago. That sets up kind of where my brain has been. I feel embarrassed and self-conscious. Bc it was basically about going to church and my father confessing to abusing my sis and I and then getting kicked out. Talks a bit about the abuse, well enough to deduce why the Jesus loves me song is massively triggering. He's knows I have PTSD so it shouldn't be super shocking bx it had to come from somewhere. I don't know. What would you have done? Did I make a mistake?? We work together in mental health, so I know he will get what I'm saying. But now I feel exposed. And idk if I did the right thing! I mean, I do trust him. He is my friend. He is my moms age.. But my friend nonetheless. Idk if I should have shared the poem..

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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