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Navigating Physical Affection in a Relationship

Jarold

698d

My girlfriend is very physically affectionate, and only is friends with guys. Her ex was very controlling, so I've been pretty standoffish in regard to my boundaries, other than "if you feel uncomfortable, I do too." They nap together with her best friend's head on her shoulder, he's very pushy, and frankly I find myself getting a pit in my stomach every time his name is mentioned. He has had two crushes on her before. Am I being unreasonable for expressing my discomfort here, even if there are no romatic intentions from either party? If it's for emotional comfort that's one thing, but casually watching tv... I don't know...

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    • Emily55

      697d

      No one can really answer this for you because every relationship is different. It’s up to you if you want to set that boundary. Or break up with her, I personally text my friends a lot but I couldn’t imagine “cuddling” with them. I personally wouldn’t like it. However I am not you, so you have to reflect this and answer it for yourself. Goodluck

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    • Emily55

      697d

      No one can really answer this for you because every relationship is different. It’s up to you if you want to set that boundary. Or break up with her, I personally text my friends a lot but I couldn’t imagine “cuddling” with them. I personally wouldn’t like it. However I am not you, so you have to reflect this and answer it for yourself. Goodluck

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      • Jarold

        697d

        @Emily55 honestly, I just wanted clarity if what I'm feeling is normal. I appreciate the comment

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    • Kai36chambers

      697d

      Not gonna lie, for me Thsts crossing a huge boundary and I’d be very comfortable even leaving a relationship if she can’t understand that. It’s really up to you and how you feel tho

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    • Jarold

      698d

      I try my best to listen to my gut, and her and I have had conversations about this. The gut feeling never goes away though.. we chat on Discord and every time I see her best friend online I get that feeling. They could be talking, he might replace me... this can't be normal, right?

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      • Imaginary813

        698d

        @Jarold I’ve been there and I would say that how you feel is completely normal. Everyone has doubts in relationships, especially ones where we are emotionally invested because the stakes are higher and we are vulnerable to being hurt. From personal experience, if I know I’m making someone I love uncomfortable I do my best to work it out with them. The fact that the gut feeling is still there means this issue has not been resolved. It sounds like you have expressed how you feel about this and it hurts when the other person doesn’t seem to hear you. I am not telling you what to do but personally I would not accept this from my boyfriend. Not saying this is doomed, hope you two can work things out to a point where you are both happy. This is always possible when both people are willing.

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    • Imaginary813

      698d

      I would say listen to your body. That pit in your stomach is a message, usually indicating a boundary violation or just something that makes you uncomfortable. If she’s serious about you she can at least try to understand your perspective the way you are being so understanding with her and her past. The body is always telling us what is not ok if we can tune in to ourselves and remember that we matter too. How you feel matters and when you love someone their feelings matter. Not saying she can’t have friends but there can be certain boundaries around behavior.

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    • TLR

      698d

      I don't think you are over reacting. How do you think she would like it if you were that way with other woman?

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      • Jarold

        698d

        @TLR I am an individual who really cares for physical affection too and only feels close to members of the opposite sex. With that said, I don't even get close to the type of affection she does with guys. I guess everyone's different, but frankly idk how she'd think if I did the same. That would be pretty hypocritical if she felt the same I guess

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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