Feeling like I'm always messing things up

Yesterday i had another moment where i lashed out at my partner for not spending enough time with me. I have been feeling very upset lately whenever i see them texting friends and planning stuff with them and i end up yelling at them and crying. I let everything out yesterday. My fears , insecurities, and frustrations. It was a mess but today i feel more calm . I just wanna be a better partner to them but i also wanna fix myself.. and do better for myself. I definitely need to go back to therapy..

Feeling Incompetent and Reliant on Others

I had a mental breakdown last night over a simple miscommunication between me and my partner. I just seem to say things that make the situations worse and worse when I just need to end the argument cause I'm over stressed. last night I didn't know I was physically punching myself when I was trying to stop myself from talking. now my husband's mad cause he thinks I was trying to get a bruise so I can blame it on him (obviously not my goal, i was just trying to knock some sense into myself). I feel so insane right now, I don't want to hurt myself anymore, i quit that shit close to a decade ago. I kinda want to go to a hospital but I have no insurance and I have to take care of my child... more or less just need some kind words today.