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Feeling invalidated by therapist's lack of empathy

Miyuki

381d

Is it normal for a therapist to say that you’re taking a situation too personally? I had just got back into therapy and this was my first actual session in awhile and so I was explaining a situation I had with my sister who I thought of as a close friend that ended up cutting me off. And so when I explained what happened and read some of the messages to my therapist. She first said “let me stop you right there” and was saying that I was taking the situation very personally and that I needed to see how I could support my sister instead of expressing how i felt to her when she practically ghosted me. And that I was acting like my sister was trying to be manipulative (which I neither said nor thought) and so I was trying to like take myself out of my thoughts and try to understand what my therapist was saying. But for the most part it seemed that my therapist wasn’t empathetic towards me at all and was completely taking the side of my sister? Instead of like seeing both sides or to help me see a different side to the situation. It just felt weird bc I really felt invalidated and I wasn’t sure if I was just too in my feelings or if she really wasn’t listening to me at all. I know when I talked with my sister M who I’m very close too and she’s been in therapy for awhile said that what the therapist was saying wasn’t right and she wasn’t seeing my side at all. And even my best friend thought the same as well. Honestly I’ve decided to go with another therapy company bc it just felt so invalidating and I’m hoping I can have a better experience with a therapist that can see both sides without it seeming like she’s “choosing” which person is right or helping me see in a different light without making me feel horrible about it

2

14

14

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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    • Bre19

      369d

      @Eledgedbunny this

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    • Eledgedbunny

      374d

      Therapists are supposed to help you cope with situations, not minimalize them so much that it makes you feel dumb for feeling upset. This therapist just isn't right imo.

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    • saggygenes

      379d

      Wow what a weird response. You're in therapy for*your* mental health, discussing issues that affect *you* personally... So is it really the time for some devil's advocacy? I would have had exactly the same reaction. I often struggle to get therapists to understand my way of processing difficult experiences.

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      • Miyuki

        378d

        @saggygenes yeah exactly! Like she didn’t help me process through anything that happened but immediately sided with her and I was like huh? Very weird indeed

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    • Bre19

      380d

      Not a good choice of words by that person

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    • AlmedaRose

      380d

      Do you feel comfortable expressing how your therapist's response affected you to them? (I'd understand if you don't. ) If you do, though, give it a shot and see if things get better. If you don't, then simply tell them that you didn't feel heard in the last session. See if they can adjust. A big factor in the success of therapy is the relationship between therapist and client. So, if after a fair chance (3 sessions is what I recommend,) it's not working for you and you can't connect with them, it is OK to switch. A professional won't take it personally that you are changing therapists because they aren't a match for you. I know it's hard to advocate for yourself when having any mental health problem, so if you have a friend who can help encourage you, tag them in. Best wishes.

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      • Miyuki

        378d

        @AlmedaRose thank you for the advice. I had already went ahead and cancelled my appointments for now since I had a good recommendation for another one but I’d like to use your advice for the next one if possible.

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        • AlmedaRose

          372d

          @Miyuki awesome

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    • Cimmy

      381d

      Alot of the time its about choosing the right therapist, this one sounds like trash to me no offence to her. Your therapist is meant to try to understand and support you. I think you should definitely try someone else. Good luck :)

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      • Miyuki

        381d

        @Cimmy yeah and like I was really trying to see what she was saying but it really just didn’t make sense to me. Like certain things she would compare to herself and her relationship with her own daughter? And I was like in my head like a mother and daughter relationship is different from a relationship with siblings. And her comparison was bad tbh and it seemed like she didn’t understand where I was coming from or even trying to sympathize at all really

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        • Cimmy

          381d

          @Miyuki sounds like a really bad therapist in alot of ways if im honest. Im sure you'll find better. Definitely doesn't sound like the right fit for you

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    • Alyss

      381d

      Yeah that's not okay. First off, unless someone is in a spiral or destructive pattern, you shouldn't stop them from expressing their feelings in the middle like that, especially with autism where if you don't get it out it often feels way worse. Then there's the fact that it was your first session, and she acted like she'd earned your trust enough to be completely frank about something when she hadn't. Maybe what she said was correct, but you two hadn't developed the relationship enough for you to feel comfortable saying it so it didn't come off as an attack, which it clearly did. I had a therapist once defend my abusive mother in the first session. I, obviously, never went back, and I'm glad you're moving into another one as well.

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      • Miyuki

        381d

        @Alyss yeah I agree with that as well. Like to some degree I understood but for most of it she wasn’t being sympathetic to me at all and also was victimizing my sister as if I had done all the wrong and nothing was her fault? And it just felt really weird bc I know as a therapist they should be able to help me identify why I was feeling a certain way and how to go about things differently if I had done some wrong in a sense? But it seemed like she was just siding with my sister and not understanding my pov at all. It was so invalidating and had me questioning myself tbh. And also the fact that she was trying to like make me support my sister through everything even at the cost of my own mental health? Like she was acting as if what my sister did shouldn’t affect me even though she quite literally ghosted me I haven’t talked to her in like 10 months. But my therapist thinks that she needs her time which is true but randomly ghosting a sister that was “close” to you wouldn’t have any affects on me? Like that’s weird to me how she didn’t see how someone who cut me off wouldn’t hurt me and that I shouldn’t take it personally at all even after the rude things she said to me. My close friends and sis reassured me though. But I thought I’d just post about it here and see what others thought as well.

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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It is not uncommon for therapists to challenge a client's perspective, but it is important for them to be empathetic and validate your feelings. If you feel invalidated or unsupported by your therapist, it may be a good idea to seek another therapist who can better understand and support you.

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