Grieving the Life I Lost to Chronic Illness

Those of us with chronic illness can miss out on so much. I've finally accepted that there are dreams that will never happen b/c I'm just too damn tired to put in the work. I am trying to learn how to write for income b/c it doesn't take physical energy. I had to stop dwelling on what could have been if I hadn't gotten sick, b/c I wound up depressed all of the time. Please be kind to yourself. Stop blaming yourself for something that happened to you. Try to connect with others like us, so you won't feel so isolated. Chronic illness is like losing someone who died. There are stages of emotions that I had to go through. Anger at God, the world and myself, was something that made my life worse. I am finally accepting that in this health system,(US) unless you are wealthy and can pay for private care, I may never know what is really causing me to hurt & feel exhausted most of the time. Usually you get"fibromyalgia" diagnosis b/c doctors only read blood tests. I am being as kind to myself as I would to anyone who was suffering, as I do. I do keep looking for info that might help me to find the right doctor. It is sad that our insurance companies dictate the care & meds that we can receive. I live a day at a time b/c I would/have become hopeless. It only makes it worse, feeling this way. I read as much positive material that I can and I pray. I don't know if God is listening but I ask for help to keep going, best that I can. Hope this helps.

There is a book called Tuesdays with Morrie. Its not very long. But in it Morrie has a great attitude towards grief. Shutting it out and trying not to feel is not the same as a good attitude. Emotions have to wash through us, take their moment inside us, and then when we fully feel them, we can release and let them move on. It's painful, but one of my favorite characteristics about myself is my ability to grieve. I feel deep pain because I feel deep love. I'd never do it on purpose of course, it still hurts. But it's not bad to feel a loss for past possibilities. Let it fuel you to find similar joy in different ways for the future.