Struggling with Gender Identity and Relapse

I know everyone says this but I think it’s important to keep in mind that recovery/healing isn’t a constant upwards line. Self harm especially is tough to just stop abruptly, so be proud that you were able to stay clean even for a little bit. I’m trans and have been mentally ill and dealing with similar issues for most of my life, and dealing with a gender crisis on top everything else in life can be overwhelming. I know it seems like a lot of trans and non binary people have it all figured out online, but remember there’s a lot that they don’t show and everyone’s experience with gender is different. It took me a while to figure out which pronouns, identity, and expression I’m comfortable with. What helped was finding some queer and trans spaces and listening/reading peoples experiences to see how they matched mine. I see in your bio that you’re 14/15, probably meaning that you’re still living with parents or a guardian. I don’t know how accepting they are with experimentation, but there are still ways to “play around” with gender and see what’s comfortable. For example, when I first started changing my name and pronouns, I would tell my closest friends first to see how I felt with them. That way I could have a “trial run” without a huge sense of anxiety that I would be judged or shamed if I changed them. I would also look into local youth spaces or healthy spaces online with trans and gender queer folks, that way you can see that you’re not alone ❤️

Hello here for you if you need anything I used to have a huge problem with self harm- I have been free of self harm for over 3 years if you need a chat about it….. I never thought I would be- I am also very open to sexuality and was part of the queer club in college so I may be able to talk with you about that too- love to you dear. Message me anytime

just because you relapsed doesn't erase your work that you have done before. try not to feel too bad about it- I actually relaped myself and that is easier said than done but focusing on things you can do/trying to get better coping skills is always a good option. my therapist reccomends i talk to someone rather than taking any actions[sh] or doing deep breathing when i get stressed from things. As for the identity thing, I relate. As a nonbinary, I had to go through a lot to reach where I am in my gender/to get comfortable with myself. I would say research helped me a lot, just looking into my "options" of gender, to sort of realize what I have/am most comfortable with. Remember that wherever you land in your gender journey, you have people who will support you, and people who care. I support you. You could try joining a group, like, an lgbt group or a questioning group- a support system for yourself as you go through your identity journey and even afterwards. You could always try things like Amino. I am in an asexual group chat, and they were very supportive even when I thought I wasn't ace... Anyway, I hope this helps you. ♡ and luck on your journey. Feel free to DM me if you need anything.

Try your best not to beat yourself up about it! When we work on stopping ourselves from self harming, it’s really easy to get upset at ourselves when we relapse— but relapse is likely to happen. You didn’t ruin any high score run, you know? You’re still the person who went x amount of days without doing it and that’s still a strength you have.

Idk if that helped but I feel for you and I’m sorry for what you’re going through, it takes time but you’ll get there. I promise

idk about the identity crisis cuz I’m going through the same im sorry but about your streak take it day by day, recovery is hard don’t beat yourself up about it. find what distracts you, talk to yourself as if it were little you because they’re still inside of you