Feeling Second Best and Struggling with Trust Issues

Well, despite how crappy I’ve felt all evening, I got quite a bit done. I’m proud of myself. My mental burden hasn’t gotten any lighter, but at least I can feel good about myself pushing through and getting things done. It just hurts that I’m starting to feel like I can’t trust the one person I’m supposed to be able to trust the most. I can’t help but feel like this is going to end in me taking some time and space for myself, away from them, cuz I’ll need time to get my thoughts and things straight. Just hurts when it feels like you’re second best when you know you’re not, you know? When it feels like feelings are coming before your pain, life they aren’t willing to push past it their comfort for you. Just feels like a repeat of the past right now but just with a different person at a different time and under different circumstances. And I’m scared they’re going to let me down too…..and actually, let me down again. They’ve already let me down once, and I hate that I’m not convinced they won’t do it again.