Feeling Hated and Hopeless

I feel like everyone hates me. I can't help feeling that way, and I act like I don't care about it, but I do. everything someone does differently feels like an attack on me. like they said it because they hate me. I feel like a target. I try to sink away and be as unnoticeable as possible, and then someone brings me back into life and I don't know how to feel about it. I'd rather keep daydreaming. I'd rather keep having my flashbacks then deal with people in the moment. in my experience, people result in pain. it doesn't matter what you do or say, they will eventually screw up and hurt you big time. and the worst thing? if you actually get attached to someone and you like them as a person and they treat you like garbage, it makes you hate yourself more for letting them. so yes. I feel hated, and I hate myself too. I'd much rather die now then live another day of this torment. every day is a mixture of flashbacks, nightmares, and current drama. I hate feeling this way. I hate being this way. I hate existing, as this is the only way I live life. constant torture, constant pain, constant stress, and constant struggles. no one seems to care. they'll still drag you down further. they'll see past your pain and misery and say and do whatever it is they want to make you hurt more. there's not a minute that goes by that I'm not wondering, what next? who do I go to to have a serious mental evaluation? I want to be taken seriously, because I'll end up researching how to end myself sooner then later at this rate.