Feeling Disconnected from Friends

struggling with some emotional responses socially- as similar as we all are recently I've felt a weird separation from a lot of my friends. like there's very little understanding of each other even if there is. there's a consistent joke among my friends that I'm slow, originally because I walk slower than everybody. all the time. but there has been multiple occasions where my friends have jokingly done an impression of me and it highlighted things I do- that to me are just normal. apparently they aren't? ahaha.. like I roll up my sleeves to go into a more focused 'mode' I feel less vulnerable this way and so it heightens my awareness and ability to focus. I find it decreases my inattentive symptoms of ADHD but increases my hyperactive symptoms oddly enough. to me, I just do this- but other people *notice*. or how I sometimes hyperfocus on words. like 'cool' is the only way I respond to things. I mean it genuinely that is just the only way I communicate it. i don't always laugh at the jokes everyone else does, I know it's a joke I just don't have the response automatically and it starts to feel uncomfortable after time. there's a few other things but those are some I remember. just in general, I know it's all a joke but it really starts to bug me when I'm on my own, and I don't think I'm as authentic as I would like to be with them - I also don't talk about my interests with people that much, I don't share my favorite movies or TV shows or explain that my favorite book is mean for 7 year olds but I love it because it got me through a hell of a year. but then someone I share that interest with starts to talk to me about it and consciously or not I will tone down my response because saying "oml I will die for that show" isn't something I can let myself say in person. or when my friend brings up how I was 'depressed' a few years ago bc they would talk about how I dropped a cookie. no. kids found the most friendly-non-obvious form of bullying and bugged me about my interests, and during a year where I was already in a bad spot mentally and was partially suicidal for awhile so, no, I wasnt depressed over the damn cookie. but I laugh anyways because saying that is not the right way to respond (or anything like 'yeah but no lol' I just laugh. I don't blame my friends either but I just really don't know how to think anymore because no matter what it's not the right way. haven't been on Alike in awhile but I really need to rant about this tonight ✌️hope y'all are doing good on here.