Feeling Depressed and Hopeless, Need Support

I’m really depressed this week having suicidal thoughts and just feel numb. The only person who makes me happy is away and I just feel so useless that I can’t find a job or stick with one. It’s so difficult to find anything that can support me both mentally and physically. I attended one interview and had panic attacks all week leading up to the event. I have to do a sitting down job because otherwise I’d be in crippling pain. But sitting down jobs require mental capacity and how am I meant to focus when my head is constantly racing and I’m getting suicidal thoughts. I have applied for therapy and work support so it’s just a waiting game, as usual. I just think to myself what is the point of living to suffer. But I’m too scared of death to actually die. It’s like living to just survive it’s such a waste of time, I wake up to go back to bed again and all I want to do is sleep to escape reality.