Feeling Alone and Unheard

I feel like I have no one to talk to. I have a wonderful partner who would help me through anything, and friends that say I can go to them. so I know it's an irrational feeling. but I feel like if I go to my friends they will just bide time until they can stop talking to me. I feel like if I go to my partner, they will help me and love doing it, but they'll be sad/tired/exhausted from how many nights a week I stay up contemplating the "necessity" or real actual use to my life. and I'm not actively suicidal, so there's really no need to go wake them up, especially if they haven't been sleeping well the past few-- uhhhh-- YEARS of their life. I wake them up if I do get to that point, but before that point I feel like it would just make me feel worse in the long run for having kept them awake.