Feeling Lonely and Struggling with Mental Health

I haven’t felt this lonely in so long. I think what makes me feel lonely is realizing I have to face all my problems alone. None of my friends know of my mental struggles or what’s going on in my life. I keep lying about my lifestyle saying i’m working when i’m not even working. I’m struggling to even get up and get a routine most days. My family is supportive, but they are also part of another problem I have—anxiety. I can’t vent to them because they often use my feelings against me or just throw me into therapy, which has helped but not fully. I keep thinking, how much longer am I going to stay stuck in this hole? When will I finally crawl out and see the light everyone else seems to see? Will I survive? Nowadays I seem to be doing anything to survive or feel like I have control over my life rather than life happening to me. Even if that includes making mistakes. I really wish I had someone to talk to or even care enough about me to ask about his. But alas, no one… not even the person I’ve started seeing. I hate feeling this way. Sometimes I need more than me and 99% of the time it’s just me. Yet—I am always there for everyone one else in more ways than they ask. Maybe I should just retreat into a shell and ghost everyone. End rant…