Feeling Alone and Out of Place in the World

So things have been rough recently. On one hand, yes I’ve been getting stronger, making more progress. I know who I am more, and that already cuts my potential turmoil in half. My partner of over two years and I broke up about two weeks ago now, as I type that I’m smiling cause I didn’t realize even that much time had passed. Its been a blur. However, my stress really comes into play with the fact that my ex and I agreed to remain friends, as over the years our friend group has simply become one large one. Plus we still cared about each other, there were just too many factors all out of our control, and we knew things were not gonna work out. But two days later he left me on read and pretty much ignored my existence. In this discord server we have, he was talking to our friends about how they should find him a hot emo boy and just.. posted and said things that I can only imagine were posted and said to hurt me. We’ve been split for 2 days, bro leaves me on read, continues talking in the server, and the subject matter just offended me. Through out our whole relationship I didn’t feel as cared for, I didn’t feel like I meant as much to him as he meant to me, and now I know I’m right. A few days ago he tried reaching out because a mutual friend said they were worried about me.. and the whole conversation just felt like I was talking to a scripted bot that only know a few phrases like he straight up has no regard for how I’m doing rn and what I think. He tried to hurt me with the things he posted, and it only proves to me that us splitting was the right choice. When he’s being so immature and inconsiderate. I know he has his reasons, and thats okay. It isn’t his job to take care of me or care in the first place, but it just goes to show yk? What people are willing to do for you even in contrast with what they expect from you. So here’s been my dilemma. I feel so alone LMAO. Like I turn 20 in november, I’ve been thinking nonstop since even before the break up about how out of place I feel in this world. I crave genuine connection yk? Not just your run of the mill jumping through hoops and reading between the lines and going through the motions. I don’t just want to be someones servant. Someone’s jester. It feels like the only time people want anything to do with me is when they want something from me, and it shows itself time and time again.. but then they won’t even do for me what I do for them yk? And it feels sort of selfish to be bothered about it? Though I know it isn’t. Because I still help people, I still give others the priority or the care or entertainment they may need regardless. Its just that I know that I’m the only person I can depend on to take care of me and give a shit about me and cheer me up. I still feel out of place in the world, out of place with any of my family or friends, and I just wish I belonged somewhere. I’m tired of feeling like I’m talking to children or robots or football playing kings in space. I’m tired of people not understanding or thinking that they do and they clearly don’t. I’m tired of people hiding. I just want to be out and open and real, and that’s the opposite of the way the worlds going.