Feeling Alone and Hopeless, Is There Any Escape?

I have been feeling very alone for a long time. I've been neglected by the people who counted, disowned by my family due to my diagnosis, I've been raped, used, gaslight, and get told to hang in there when I reach out. I don't get advice. When People hear my situation they always say they don't know how to help and try to turn the focus on themselves. I don't want to die but I can't stop thinking about the concept of death, and what it would be like if I was gone. Would anyone notice? Would anyone care? How long would it take until my body is found. None of that matters since I've died 3 times from 2 fatal car accidents and still came back after my time of death was called. Even if I wanted to die. I don't think there's any escape for me. I feel condemned to a life I don't seem to belong in. I don't want to feel this way anymore. Am I the only outlier?