Struggling with Mental Health and Medication

I'm going to share my story. so thank you for reading until the end. I was a health care worker until last year. I was a Phleb for almost 5 years and I worked as MA (medical Assistant) in cardiology for the last 4 years. as with many people, the pandemic hit me hard. especially with my mental health. I also got covid back in October of last year. I had one of the biggest meltdowns I've had my entire life. part of it was starting anxiety depression medication and prednisone at the same time and being put on probation from work. which made for a perfect storm. I had to take FMLA from my job to get myself figured out. my doctor thought that I might be bipolar because I have been resistant to depression anxiety meds in the past. mostly because when I get on them start feeling better then I stop them. but when I get back on the meds they don't seem to work anymore and causes things to get much worse. I was put on lamitcal and about a month and a half I felt like myself again. but I still had to leave my job. so I decided to take the rest of the year off to enjoy holidays while I was on short term disability. at the start of the year I decided it was time to start looking for another job. I had once again stopped my med that I was on. so I had decided that I would restart my med and at the same time pulled an all-nighter to try to get my sleep schedule fixed. and every day since then I have been having severe anxiety about life in general and what I have done in my life and obsessing about being dead some day. and an extremely wierd perception of time. I have been obsessing about how every little moment is in the past. it's been real difficult to be present. I feel like I have gotten to the point that I am extremely out of touch with reality and extremely scared of the future. I did stopped my lamitcal after being on it for the past few months. and I am going to work on just doing therapy. this is my 2nd week being off of the medication and I feel like the withdrawals had been pretty sever. so anybody else been through anything similar. what has helped?