Help me understand my gender identity

That's completely valid! I'm nonbinary (either pangender or polygender as a more specific term, just not too sure which fits best yet) and I use they/them pronouns, prefer masculine terms, and am debating adding spivak pronouns (ey/em) bc they fit me just as well as they/them. Your gender is your own experience and it doesn't have to be the same as anyone else's, prefering masculine terms doesn't diminish your identities in any way. I prefer masculine terms because they feel validating to my trans identity as an afab person, but I know someone nonbinary and amab who prefers them for the reason that it's just what they're already used to and comfortable with, any reasoning (or lack of reasoning) you have is valid as long as it makes you happy

Hello! I completely understand this. Gender identity and overall expression is difficult. You can be agender, use they/neo pronouns, and prefer masc terms. It makes complete sense. Gender is such a bendable thing and it is different for everyone. Don’t let people tell you that you can’t be a certain thing, because it’s not their experience.