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KittyKatKuo

661d

Trigger Warning!!! Child Abuse, Assault, General unpleasantness. So I've been put in a situation I never thought I'd be in. Back in May I discovered my mom attacked my neice. For background shes been living with us since she was around 15 months old and is currently 10 along with her brother who is 13. I don't know how to describe it etc to be honest. We have cameras in our home strictly for safety etc. one of these cameras were in the living room during rhe attack and caught part of the confrontation. I don't know how much detail to share etc but the summary is this: I had gone for a nap but was woken up as I could hear my neice wailing and saying ow. I got up to investigate and found her in the living room with my mother. I got to mom popped her in the head or mouth but my neice seemed genuinely hurt. I convinced my mom to go shower and leave my neice with me. Once alone she told me she had been struck multiple times in the head. I got her an icepack and looked her over for any injuries as things were very odd. I didn't find any but later I remembered the cameras and went to see what happened. It was pretty bad, it caught my mom hitting my neice in the head and back of neck multiple times raining blows before she slapped her in the mouth and returned to her seat. I was blown away to be honest as my mom has never done this to either child ever. I at first was numb and made myself ill with worry before determining as my neice and I shared a therepist I would talk to my therepist about it. Well I did and she watched the video and things blew up from there. She called the cops (it's her job) and the kids were taken by cps of course temporarily. Almost a month after my mom was arrested for charges of assault against a minor out of the blue a few days before the kids were due to come home again. She was bailed out by a sibling and since the kids were taken and she was arrested my anxiety is out of control. I feel I'm tettering on the edge of a cliff 24/7 now. My mom found out through cps I reported it so there's also that in addition. Also I am unable to work and have been waiting for my disability interview due to severe social anxiety and cptsd etc. Thus I have no income to leave or nothing if and when she is jailed for good if it goes that direction. I am terrified that I will have to testify against my mother as well since I reported it and such which is like nightmare fuel times a million as I can't do people especially men. I don't know why but I needed to rant and I don't know how any of this judge stuff works or how to deal with my anxiety. My med provider has upped my doses but it's literally doing nothing. I feel like I'm going to pass out or hyperventilate every day that passes now. Now to be clear I don't regret protecting my neice, I know it was the right thing. I'm just so anxious and overwhelmed as my future housing and life is in danger. I'm worried I'll become homeless at this point or literally die at the hands of the stress as dramatic as that sounds. I wish I could ask advice etc but my therepist can't discuss anything of the case etc of course as she is my neices therepist and she could lose her license etc which I don't want her to jeopardize as she's a lovely lady. I only have my boyfriend to talk to but he's only one person and when he's not available I have no one else. I do talk to my siblings about what happened etc but it just seems like no matter what I'm alone or they don't fully understand how I feel or am going through. They just tell me to stop worrying and to wait and calm down. They aren't aware thats impossible for me and I don't have that luxury. Life is just even more complex now...idk what to do or think anymore.

Top reply
    • KittyKatKuo

      512d

      my therepist did shift blame to herself and my mom hates her guts but because I was the only one with access to the cameras she put two and two together when seeing the video in question. I've been seeing my therepist for 3 years now and she tries to help but she's also the kids therepist and this case and the constant meetings about the kids spread her thin and she can't discuss alot of things in case she is called in to the court. I am not the legal guardian, my mom was on both kids. So they won't talk to me whatsoever, they have landed in temporary custody of foster parents/cps case manager.

    • KittyKatKuo

      512d

      my therepist did shift blame to herself and my mom hates her guts but because I was the only one with access to the cameras she put two and two together when seeing the video in question. I've been seeing my therepist for 3 years now and she tries to help but she's also the kids therepist and this case and the constant meetings about the kids spread her thin and she can't discuss alot of things in case she is called in to the court. I am not the legal guardian, my mom was on both kids. So they won't talk to me whatsoever, they have landed in temporary custody of foster parents/cps case manager.

    • Shebear13

      660d

      I am in the same boat as you, I have been wait for three months also and I was told I should file a late processing form. Because it taking so long. Could take 2-3 weeks til some thing happens? But at least it's a step closer to collecting your unemployment insurance. I am loosing my appt on the 31st of July and I can't find anything I can afford to rent where I live.

    • Psycho24

      660d

      Sorry that does sound like a tough situation. So I'm a therapist and have made some CPS reports in my time and they are not supposed to disclose who told. And, as someone said technically you did not tell CPS, the therapist did. We are mandated reports so she had to, but that's on her not you. She obviously did the right thing, but I point that out because your mom may have guessed it was you but it really wasn't. That also may help because if people get upset I tend to tell them to be upset with me (the therapist) instead of the family member, so maybe that can help. Also, who is the legal guardian of your niece? Since she is a minor her legal guardian can be involved in discussions and information discussed in session. So if there are concerns you want to talk to her therapist about then if you're her legal guardian you should be able to. Since you are feeling so stressed it may be helpful to find your own therapist. You can talk about all of this with your therapist and help process feelings and maybe problem solve ways to handle the situation because that is a lot to handle. I know you said you don't have a job but many places do sliding scale or try to help financially so hopefully you can find something that works. Lastly, looking at everything all at once can be overwhelming. I'd suggest chunking it or breaking it up into smaller to do lists to figure things out. Focus on some things you can control or need to deal with sooner and table the things that can wait. Sometimes prioritizing like that can help distract from the stress while getting some things done. I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope this was helpful in some way! I'm praying for you and your family!

    • Sunshineseeker90

      660d

      Can you live with your sister? Was your sister also living with your Mom? Does the house belong to your Mom? Any other family you can live with? I'm sorry that happened. You did the right thing. Have you talked to your Mom since the incident? Did she explain why she snapped or apologize, feel remorse for her actions?

      • KittyKatKuo

        512d

        @Sunshineseeker90 I cannot live with any of my siblings as a back up. I live with my mother and she owns the house. Some of the family is sympathic of the circumstances and quick to say I did the right thing but others have either stopped talking to me or view me as I should've left things alone. Therefore no family members will take me either. Me and my mother rarely talk anymore, very light chatting or simple answers/questions but we don't have a relationship really. She spends most of her time bringing up she may go to jail/prison and/or lose her job. She never says it's my fault directly but she never has been direct and phrases things to avoid saying "I blame you" and just makes horrid comments that raise my already outlandish high anxiety. She didn't apoligise to me, she's not allowed to speak or see the kids via no contact order from judge. I'm not sure what she's feeling except I know she blames me and is miffed at me.

    • PlantParenthood

      661d

      That sounds overwhelming on so many levels! Thank you for protecting your niece. Idk how old you are or what your housing situation is, or even if you're in the USA, but the USA is where I am so that's what I'll speak to. If asked to testify, especially with COVID and a letter from your therapist re: social anxiety, you could probably do it over video chat. No having to go sit in a scary place. If there also becomes a family court case, often you can do judges chambers. Doesn't mean the judge couldn't be male, but you should be allowed to bring an advocate and some courts have service dogs for this kind of thing, especially if you are a minor or under 21. It seems ridiculous that CPS would inform your mom on you, since they aren't supposed to do that anyway and also it was the therapist. Lastly, I don't want to add stress at all, but your post said she'd never done anything like this before. How do you know? I'm not saying she has, but it is unlikely that the first and only time she's been violent was with everyone home and she was caught. Both kids and any siblings you have need to talk to professionals so that any instances can be reported. Idk if your mom has any mental health problems but possibly she does and they have gotten more significant? Either way she needs help. Idk if you guys had a good relationship before this, but if so, I think continuing to frame it as being worried and confused and so talking to your therapist bc you wanted to help is the way to go. If this is the first time this ever happened and she has had a good relationship with your niece and taken care of her for nine years, she is unlikely to be imprisoned. It's not impossible, but it's way less likely than probation and some kind of treatment plan. Even if she is jailed, there are social services that can hopefully help you figure out how to manage rent/utilities and get/use your disability to stay where you are.

      • KittyKatKuo

        661d

        @PlantParenthood I'm 27 currently. Thank you for the ideas. Also when I say she hadn't done anything like that before I just meant that I knew of as they shared a bedroom etc and my mom was in charge of getting them to school. My mom does have mental health struggles but also narcissist like personality traits mixed with her own trauma. The relationship between me and my mom has never existed really. However my neice was fairly spoilt by her often and considered the more favored child.

    • Out_Pizza_The_Hut

      661d

      I totally get where you're coming from. But think a year from now. I snap like that could lead to much worse. Possibly saving her life or another childs. Atleast now your mother can get the help she needs rather it was just stress or more. I wish someone had called cps on my mother. You did nothing but the right thing. Think positive if possible. Everything happens for a reason

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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