Feeling Valued in Relationships as an Autistic Person

Honestly my husband and I are both autistic and that helps tremendously because we both understand we have different needs and feelings and voice concerns in different ways etc. It took alot of open communication and blatant honesty as well as us both being in therapy. But he is my best friend, we are obsessed with eachother in the healthiest way possible and just celebrated a year of marriage and 6 years together 🥰

I haven’t had a lot of experience with romantic relationships, but in my platonic relationships, when people do something unprompted just because they are thinking about me. I had a couple I babysit for (and I’m friends with the mom) buy me a doctor who mug because they saw it and thought of me. I recently had a friend talk about me on his podcast, about how he loves me and misses me, which no way of knowing that I would ever listen to the podcast, and I legit started crying. Having someone show they care for me, with absolutely no possible ulterior motives. That way I later can’t play it off as them just being nice or socially correct, or saying what I wanted to hear.

Recently my bf has told me that he doesn't think i love him for him. He has been holding on to stuff from 2 months ago but never said anything to me about it. Bc of this lack of communication, things are in need of fixing. He's reluctant to tell me what he wants out of fear that i don't mean it. It's frustrating. Basically, i think a constant flow of communication, reassurance that he's not going to leave me after he tells me something i can do better, and just random small acts of love. That's what makes me feel loved.