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Feeling Alone and Causing Problems in My Friend's Relationship

Neverlandgirl

442d

I've been feeling really alone lately. Sure I've got friends but one group is with my sister and a few other people(all around my sisters age) so I can't fully be myself there or I just feel like I'm only there cause I'm her sister and my only other friend just got a girlfriend and apparently me having conversations with him(my friend) has been causing problems between them. The biggest issue is that we hypothetically talk about going to Disneyland in the future if I get into a college in Southern California(which is very unlikely) for some more context 1.disney is very important to me(I consider myself to be a disney adult, but not one of the over the top ones) so when I hear my friends haven't been I want to take them there(I'm in the process of planning a trip with my friend group) 2. I didn't know he had a girlfriend at the time of this conversation, he only told me about her the day after our disneyland discussion, our friendship is completely platonic I wouldn't have talked about it had I'd known it would've caused problems. I just feel really bad for causing problems in their relationship even though I didn't know about it so I haven't talked to him since then to avoid creating more problems which was 2 day ago. I just don't really know what to do at this point, I don't want to lose my friend but I dont want to disrupt their relationship.

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Anxiety (Including GAD)

Social Anxiety

Acute Anxiety

Depression

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Top reply
    • bugaboo_

      441d

      @Neverlandgirl tbh it sound very toxic, its not your fault at all, the whole argument is between the couple and its their job to sort out their differences or issues. Expecially after just a week sound very childish of the girlfriend. I don't know the full story but she sounds like she has trust issues, which again is not your fault. I don't think you did anything wrong going by your explanation. It still must be hard to be blamed for someone else's relationship problems. You deserve to be treated kindly. You deserve to talk with your friend about your dream getaway (disneyland best dream btw) without being made to feel guilty. That being said it must be hard, being pulled two directions and on edge, worried about what to do next. I've been there. I've had some crappy friends in the past. It may sound cheesy but if you do loose your friend to something this stupid (not calling you stupid, go away OP's anxiety) it was probably meant to be. It will be hard but unfortunately sometimes you may care about someone that's just not good to keep in your life. Sorry to get depressing. I wanna reiterate that none of this sounds like your fault, you're just caught in the couples crossfire. And anxiety can be a real bitch in situations like that. Something that helps me is separating my anxiety from me. So when I have intrusive thoughts its not me telling myself I suck, it's my anxiety that's saying that I suck. My family and I call my anxiety the gremlins. So it may help you see its not your fault if you practice saying that your anxiety make it feel like you're causing problems, because it's the truth its the anxiety that's blaming you, even when you're not to blame. I feel like my rambling is getting off topic or unhelpful so I'm gonna hit send and hope this helps?

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    • WhiteFlamingo

      442d

      I was in a situation where my friend got a girlfriend and it caused problems, except we actually liked each other at some point. I still did. The thing I regret most was not talking to him about my fears of our friendship coming apart. Seeing him with another girl definitely hurt, but I cared more about having him as my friend anyway. I didn't tell him how I felt about our friendship and just kept passively texting him to see if he would respond. We didn't talk again for two or three years. Talk to your friend. Talk to his girlfriend, even. Create a space for open communication from every party. Make it clear that you don't have any romantic intentions with your friend and that you don't want to come between the two of them. Make it clear, also, that you don't want to lose your friendship. That said, don't let his girlfriend guilt trip you. As you said, you had no idea that he had a girlfriend when you talked about going to Disneyland. You weren't trying to steal her boyfriend because you're just friends and you didn't even know he had a girlfriend. It's not fair for her to hold a grudge over that. Best wishes to you. It's hard having a friend of the opposite gender, but if you keep communication open, it can work out.

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      • Neverlandgirl

        442d

        @WhiteFlamingo I don't know who his girlfriend is though, my friend and I haven't actually seen each other in over a year. We've just be talking by texting or phone calls. He asked me for relationship advice and that's when I found out about her and her issues with me. All I know is that she was upset(stewing and giving him the cold sholder) after she found out about the conversation of the possibility of going to Disneyland over 2 years in the future that requires a very unlikely event to happen(he told her about the conversation) and then she seemed fine, later that same day she started stewing again he thinks she might have noticed us(my friend and i) messaging and then didn't let the issue go but she wouldn't tell him what the issue was. I also know that they've been dating for a little over a week

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        Reply
        • bugaboo_

          441d

          @Neverlandgirl tbh it sound very toxic, its not your fault at all, the whole argument is between the couple and its their job to sort out their differences or issues. Expecially after just a week sound very childish of the girlfriend. I don't know the full story but she sounds like she has trust issues, which again is not your fault. I don't think you did anything wrong going by your explanation. It still must be hard to be blamed for someone else's relationship problems. You deserve to be treated kindly. You deserve to talk with your friend about your dream getaway (disneyland best dream btw) without being made to feel guilty. That being said it must be hard, being pulled two directions and on edge, worried about what to do next. I've been there. I've had some crappy friends in the past. It may sound cheesy but if you do loose your friend to something this stupid (not calling you stupid, go away OP's anxiety) it was probably meant to be. It will be hard but unfortunately sometimes you may care about someone that's just not good to keep in your life. Sorry to get depressing. I wanna reiterate that none of this sounds like your fault, you're just caught in the couples crossfire. And anxiety can be a real bitch in situations like that. Something that helps me is separating my anxiety from me. So when I have intrusive thoughts its not me telling myself I suck, it's my anxiety that's saying that I suck. My family and I call my anxiety the gremlins. So it may help you see its not your fault if you practice saying that your anxiety make it feel like you're causing problems, because it's the truth its the anxiety that's blaming you, even when you're not to blame. I feel like my rambling is getting off topic or unhelpful so I'm gonna hit send and hope this helps?

          1

          Reply
    • TheMoonGoddess420

      442d

      Hey love just give it some time. Wait and see what happens. I'm sure he'll talk to you soon. But until then just focus on you love. Have fun live your life. Also you are not alone you can inbox me anytime we can be friends. -Nina ☮💙🖤💜🕯

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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