Dealing with a Toxic Grandparent

Honestly I'm built a bit different so my opinion in this case is different. If someone even a elderly family member is treating you this way when your taking care of them full time you need to set boundaries. You don't have to explode or be aggressive about it but it is vital you sit her down and set your boundaries. She may be older and have lived in a different time but you have to think like this: she got to make her own decisions, she was free to express herself, she was free to wear jewelry, she more than likely has got her hair done at some point. She had freedoms, maybe not as much as we have nowadays, but freedoms nonetheless. So trying to judge or take away yours is wrong. Tell her you are old enough to make your own decisions and you are free to express yourself how you see fit. Tell her you are two different people and are bound to like different things. Tell her nitpicking is coming off harsh and it's triggering for you. Tell her you are giving her respect for her decisions and expressions so you deserve respect in return. Colored hair, piercings, and tattoos don't define you as a bad person. So set those boundaries now, and tell her if she won't respect your boundaries after that then you have no reason to speak to her unless it's to care for her directly. And follow through!!! Obviously care for her but do only what is nessisary, don't talk unless nessisary, leave the room right after and take you time. If she continues to test those boundaries keep at it and take breaks to go and breathe or relieve some stress that will be sure to build up. Your mental health is still important, it's still a priority.

My grandfathers wife is like that. No, she isn’t my grandmother. All my life growing up she nitpicked about everything, even said I was worshipping Satan by reading Twilight 😂 I told her I have to believe in Satan to worship (she’s really catholic and im really not). One day I blew up and she’s been pretty tame but if your grandma is in bad health, I wouldn’t. An outburst like that and the stress from it can cause heart attacks and strokes I think. Like if she’s already in bad shape like she’s on her last limb, I’d wait it out if you can.

I'm still trying to find my way myself, but it helps me a lot to connect with people that have gone thru similar things, to constantly reassure me that I am not alone. I struggle with very basic ways of standing up for myself, despite knowing and feeling very sure of what I should be saying and doing when someone is stepping over my boundaries. I'm still learning as to why, but coming from an abusive relationship, I'm slowly realizing after much digging and soul-searching, to what extent it has changed me.. and not for the better. I see a glimpse of hope every now and again, though. And I never used to. I have my bad days, but now there are good ones mixed in, as well. And I just remind myself as much as I can, that I am capable, and there is light at the end of this very, dark tunnel.

I have been in many situations where I have gotten to the point of severe mental breakdown. I do breathing exercises and daily affirmations while looking at myself in a mirror. Cognitive Processing Therapy is what works best for me in those situations. The idea is “fake it until you make it.” It works wonders for the train of thought and self-esteem. Hope this helps! 😊